November 4, 2004
Thoughts on parenting
Karl posts a couple quotes re parenting here, which led Doug to share a touching and inspirational testimony here.
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October 27, 2004
Around the house
The Living Catholicism blog shares some wisdom regarding household chores....
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September 23, 2004
Just a quick update on
Just a quick update on my son, whose accident I blogged about here. Dan returned to his warehouse job this week on a semi-light-duty basis. He's still walking with a bit of a limp. All of the other people involved had only minor injuries. Unfortunately, Blue Cross is refusing to pay for any of his $15,600 helicopter ride to the trauma center. He'll be appealing that. Please keep that issue in your prayers, as having to pay that himself would wipe out the money he has so diligently saved for college thus far. Overall, I praise the Lord for his mercy, protection and providence in this entire situation. And thank you all for your prayers.
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September 22, 2004
Babytown
Our kids like to call my wife's womb Babytown, and each current occupant is given the title Mayor of Babytown. It's good, I think, that each new child is welcomed not as a competitor or burden, but as the exalted and honored leader of their native place.
This parenthood stuff is cool.
Posted by Bill White at 5:48 PM | TrackBack
August 31, 2004
Fathering advice
Today on Zenit can be found a reprint of a recent talk by a priest describing the role that the example of the parish priest can play in attracting new vocations. I was attracted to the following sentences in particular:
Priests, however, must be careful not to project their own views and desires onto others. Their role is not to control but rather to trust God by helping such men explore their own vocation, following wherever it may lead. This implies neither the imposition of ones own will nor the mere passive provision of a spiritual space. Rather it requires an active involvement through accompaniment and encouragement of those who feel the Lord may be calling them to priestly ministry.
I think I was struck by this section because these words can easily be used to describe the child-raising mission of any father, especially one with teenagers. I probably honed in on these words because I’ve struggled with being overly-controlling in my own family, more in years past, less so now, but still something I need to be constantly aware of with many situations that arise. This section also challenged me to review my own levels of “accompaniment and encouragement” with each of my children. In the general busyness of life, I know I can too easily become guilty of “the mere passive provision of a spiritual space” in our home life.
St Joseph, Glory of domestic life, pray for us.
Posted by Walter Babetski at 7:38 AM | TrackBack
August 27, 2004
Surfacing for a moment
In the last 24 hours I've cooked ham & egg breakfast sandwiches, peanut butter cookies, Italian beef, a breakfast strata, pancakes & sausage and a loaf of bread, and now I'm preparing to search the cookbooks for a cake for 1-year-old Monica's feastday. When your wife is on bedrest you learn all sorts of new things.
Time to dive back under the surface for a while.
Posted by Bill White at 10:03 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
August 25, 2004
Watching the Lord work
We just received a cool blessing from the Lord. My 18-yr-old daughter, Rosemary, has been looking for work recently. She has discerned that college is not her calling at this time (good!....cuz we don’t have the money to send her anyway!). Her work experience isn’t anything to rave about, though it’s not bad for her age. She’s been working periodically as a substitute Secretary/Receptionist at two places since she was sixteen. Otherwise, she’s had her share of babysitting jobs, and even worked a bit as a contractor’s helper.
Recently, an ad appeared in our parish bulletin for a secretarial opening at the local Catholic elementary school, just six blocks from our home. It seemed like a wonderful entry-level position for her. I helped her craft her first resume, and she applied for the job. She was one of four candidates called for an interview (her first ever). I spent a couple hours with her reviewing potential interview questions and helping her to ‘get the feel’ of what to say and what NOT to say.
The interview took place this past Monday evening. She was interviewed by two priests, one lay man and one lay woman. The interview scheme was not very intense, as they basically gave Rose a printed job description and asked her to tell them if she could perform all of the duties listed. So my two hours of intense interview prep with her might not have been necessary. It must have been Rose’s wonderful personality, combined with the prayers we had solicited, that made her the shining star in their eyes (shining with the light of Christ, that is). At home, we prayed over Rosemary before she left for the interview, and then prayed a rosary while she was there. And we invoked the intercession of St Rose of Lima, whose feastday it was. I couldn’t believe how nervous I was! I don’t think I’ll be that nervous waiting for her first baby to be delivered!
She got the job......and started the very next morning! When the Lord moves, he realllllly moves, eh!! Thank you, Lord!
Posted by Walter Babetski at 7:39 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
August 11, 2004
Making decisions
The comments on this post below led me to reflect a bit on my own behavior regarding decision-making in the family. I find that if:
• My prayer life in general has not been good
• I haven’t been praying for my wife with some consistency recently
• I’ve not taken the time to pray specifically about the decision under consideration
• My relationship with my wife has been weak recently in some areas (e.g., not taking enough time to communicate properly, not working at exercising self-giving love for her (as Christ loved the Church)
• I haven’t received the Sacrament of Penance in a while
• I’ve been struggling (more than usual!) with humility lately, manifesting itself in self-centeredness
.....then I find myself questioning how effectively the charism of headship could operate in me at that time. As a result, I would be more reluctant to trust my own discernment, and more apt to subject myself to my wife’s insight (or, as our Holy Father calls it, her “feminine genius”).
(please note that these are not the only times I would defer to my wife.....she can also be gifted with more wisdom and better inspiration even when these aspects of my life are in better order!)
Any thoughts?
Posted by Walter Babetski at 12:19 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
August 4, 2004
There was in interesting little
There was in interesting little discussion occurring at Rex Olandi here and then here, prompted by the release of the Vatican document on the collaboration of men and women.
Regarding Paul’s later post on the issue, I think that mutual subjection is a stronger term, necessarily used in reference to marriage, because the unity to which a wife and husband are called is more critical than unity among men and women in general. If I’m collaborating with women on a parish council, I don’t necessarily need to form/maintain the depth of unity with them that I am called to with my wife.
It’s interesting to note that in all of his writing on family, husbands/fathers, men/women, laity, etc., never once does Pope John Paul II refer to the husband as “head.” (but he also never refutes any of the past instances where other popes have used this term). Even in his exhortation on St Joseph, he never refers to him as “head” of the Holy Family (except where he quotes Pope Leo XIII) (again, he also never refutes any of the past instances where other popes have used this term). He seems to really want to emphasize the aspect of mutuality.
On a personal note, I can’t actually recall any disagreements in which Mary Cay and I were at absolute loggerheads. One of us always deferred to the insight of the other, even if we were still a bit skeptical. That’s the way self-giving love is supposed to operate in mutual subjection. But, theoretically, what if a loving, Catholic husband and wife were at a complete impasse, unresolvably deadlocked (assuming no issues of immorality or abuse of authority). Does past Catholic teaching (esp Leo XIII & Pius XI) mean that the husband has the responsibility to make the decision, and must the wife submit to it? What do you think?
Posted by Walter Babetski at 2:34 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack
June 16, 2004
Thoughts for Father's Day
In anticipation of Father’s Day, I read this little gem from Pope John Paul II’s “On the Christian Family in the Modern World”:
25. Within the conjugal and family communion-community, the man is called upon to live his gift and role as husband and father......In revealing and in reliving on earth the very fatherhood of God, a man is called upon to ensure the harmonious and united development of all the members of the family: he will perform this task by exercising generous responsibility for the life conceived under the heart of the mother, by a more solicitous commitment to education, a task he shares with his wife, by work which is never a cause of division in the family but promotes its unity and stability, and by means of the witness he gives of an adult Christian life which effectively introduces the children into the living experience of Christ and the Church.
This led me to ponder our high call as Christian fathers. First, as individuals, we are called to be perfect as our Heavenly Father is perfect. Then, as husbands, we need to love our wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her. Finally, our holy Father challenges us to reveal and relive on earth the very fatherhood of God to our children.
As I reflected on the task at hand, one of my favorite Desert Father stories came to mind. It goes something like this: Abba Poemen happened upon two young monks in an uproarious fit of laughter. When their laughter had subsided, Abba Poemen said “You will one day have to stand in judgment before the Almighty Lord of creation, answering for every one of your thoughts, words and actions, and you can laugh?”
Radical the Desert Fathers certainly were. Radical also is the level of self-giving, self-sacrificing love to which we are called as Catholic fathers.
Lord, send us your grace in the power of your Holy Spirit!
St Joseph, Pillar of Families, pray for us!
----------------------
UPDATE 6.17.2004: As I was Googling around, I stumbled upon this article by Prof William May. He uses the above papal quote as a starting point to delve into a deeper discussion of Catholic fatherhood.
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June 9, 2004
The Vocation of Fatherhood
Brian at the Revolution of Love blog has some brief yet profound words about fatherhood.....
Posted by Walter Babetski at 10:32 PM | TrackBack
Papal Challenge
As he has gotten older, Pope John Paul II’s addresses to youth may have gotten a bit shorter, but they are certainly no less challenging. The Holy Father’s address to Swiss youth is a great example. I’ve paid special attention to these messages for the last two decades, as I’ve had children for over 19 years now. One of the brilliant themes that can usually be found is an encouragement to young people to find the meaning of their life. This theme is also present in this latest address:
n. 2 .....Christianity is a person, a presence, a face: Jesus, who gives meaning and fullness to man's life.
n. 3 .....I searched for meaning in my life. I found it in the following of the Lord Jesus.
As a parent, I try to lead my children to understand the meaning of life. My hope is that, as they grow up, they will discover the fullness of that meaning for themselves, and then embrace it with their whole heart, and make decisions accordingly.
Posted by Walter Babetski at 12:24 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
May 24, 2004
Mutual Sanctification
Tom's post here, and Kelly's post here, along with parts of John’s post right below this one, got me thinking about the concept of mutual sanctification (between spouses). Is it appropriate to categorize our efforts at mutual sanctification as passive or active? Tom’s wife was not trying to “help” him to be holier by her action, but it looks like that will be the result of it. Same with Kelly’s husband. A more active example is John’s asking his wife’s forgiveness even when he’s right! Even more active would be a husband who asks his wife for suggestions on how he could better serve her with getting the children ready for Mass, or how he might better communicate with his teenagers. Sometimes ideas on this stuff will be exchanged in normal conversation. But other times I think a more active effort could be made.
Anyway, here’s some of what the Church teaches about mutual sanctification, with the key points in bold:
Vatican II’s “Dogmatic Constitution on the Church”
11. …..Christian spouses, in virtue of the sacrament of Matrimony, whereby they signify and partake of the mystery of that unity and fruitful love which exists between Christ and His Church, help each other to attain to holiness in their married life and in the rearing and education of their children. (see also CCC, n. 1641)
41. …..Furthermore, married couples and Christian parents should follow their own proper path (to holiness) by faithful love. They should sustain one another in grace throughout the entire length of their lives.
Vatican II’s “Constitution on the Church in the Modern World”
48. The intimate partnership of married life and love has been established by the Creator and qualified by His laws….. Thus a man and a woman, who by their compact of conjugal love "are no longer two, but one flesh" (Matt. 19:ff), render mutual help and service to each other through an intimate union of their persons and of their actions. Through this union they experience the meaning of their oneness and attain to it with growing perfection day by day…..By virtue of this sacrament, as spouses fulfill their conjugal and family obligation, they are penetrated with the spirit of Christ, which suffuses their whole lives with faith, hope and charity. Thus they increasingly advance the perfection of their own personalities, as well as their mutual sanctification, and hence contribute jointly to the glory of God. (quoted also in CCC, n. 2364) (quoted also in Familiaris Consortio, n. 56)
52. The family is a kind of school of deeper humanity. But if it is to achieve the full flowering of its life and mission, it needs the kindly communion of minds and the joint deliberation of spouses…. Finally, let the spouses themselves, made to the image of the living God and enjoying the authentic dignity of persons, be joined to one another in equal affection, harmony of mind and the work of mutual sanctification.
Pope Pius XI’s “On Christian Marriage” (1930)
23. …..The love, then, of which We are speaking is not that based on the passing lust of the moment nor does it consist in pleasing words only, but in the deep attachment of the heart which is expressed in action, since love is proved by deeds. This outward expression of love in the home demands not only mutual help but must go further; must have as its primary purpose that man and wife help each other day by day in forming and perfecting themselves in the interior life, so that through their partnership in life they may advance ever more and more in virtue, and above all that they may grow in true love toward God and their neighbor, on which indeed "dependeth the whole Law and the Prophets." For all men of every condition, in whatever honorable walk of life they may be, can and ought to imitate that most perfect example of holiness placed before man by God, namely Christ Our Lord, and by God's grace to arrive at the summit of perfection, as is proved by the example set us of many saints.
24. This mutual molding of husband and wife, this determined effort to perfect each other, can in a very real sense, as the Roman Catechism teaches, be said to be the chief reason and purpose of matrimony, provided matrimony be looked at not in the restricted sense as instituted for the proper conception and education of the child, but more widely as the blending of life as a whole and the mutual interchange and sharing thereof.
Posted by Walter Babetski at 4:33 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
May 20, 2004
Attn: NFP husbands
Over at the HMS blog, Rachel Watkins is seeking input from NFP-practicing men.
Posted by Walter Babetski at 10:18 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
May 6, 2004
Honoring Mothers
In his 1995 “Letter to Women,” Pope John Paul II said:
“Thank you, women who are mothers! You have sheltered human beings within yourselves in a unique experience of joy and travail. This experience makes you become God's own smile upon the newborn child, the one who guides your child's first steps, who helps it to grow, and who is the anchor as the child makes its way along the journey of life.”
As Mother’s Day approaches, I wonder how I can adequately honor my wife, who is “God’s own smile” on my children. And I’m challenged to ensure that such honoring is not just a one-day event, but occurs at every opportunity during the year. I’m convicted that I allowed some of those opportunities to pass by in the past year due to my selfishness.
So rally with me, men, as I start anew this Mother’s Day: let’s esteem our wives and affirm their vocation of motherhood. Not being a terribly creative guy myself, I’d enjoy hearing anyone’s (men’s or women’s) ideas or experiences of honoring Mom on her special day.
Posted by Walter Babetski at 12:09 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
April 18, 2004
The Blogfrau
My lovely wife Lisa is blogging again!
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April 13, 2004
This didn't work.
We had to drive back home to the Chicagoland area from Michigan on Sunday. I thought up a "brilliant" idea to help the kids settle down for the trip so that they wouldn't drive my wife and I up the wall. I gave them 10 minutes to act as crazy as they wanted to. They had to keep their hands to themselves and they couldn't throw anything.
They really started getting goofy during that first 10 minutes of the trip. It was funny. Then the 10 minutes were up and I told them that it was time to quiet down.
Ok, the thought here was that they could take 10 minutes and "get it all out", then they would be settled for the trip, right? WRONG!!! That 10 minutes just got them all wound up and they had a hard time calming down when the time came. Oy yoy yoy. I ended up having to implement the "absolutely no talking" rule with a "Do you really want me to pull over?" thrown in for good measure.
LOL!!! Of course, they were allowed to talk later once they calmed down.
Lesson learned: don't play with fire. :-)
Posted by Tom at 12:07 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Puritan Family Life
Yes, I read widely, perhaps too widely. But the Puritans were spectacular advice givers, and sometimes we might do well to heed them. See here for an example of what I'm talking about.
Posted by Steven Riddle at 7:47 AM | TrackBack
What to read to the kids?
Gentlemen: some random late-night notes and questions on reading to the kids.
There's so much to choose from I'm at a loss. Daily Mass readings? George MacDonald's The Princess and the Goblin, reportedly a big influence on GKC and JRRT? Psalms? (which translation?)
First I'm looking for exemplary English usage; then, correspondence to reality (JRRT Yea, Harry Potter Nay); then, perhaps, even theological illumination. The best theology conveyed in a style that is deaf to the rhythms and sounds of English (rather like my style, come to think of it) is worse than useless.
We recently bought The Jesus Garden by Antoinette Bosco, and her English prose is truly food for the soul. Never a false step, never an awkward bump to trip over; solid delightful comforting rhythms and harmonious sounds are trailed through each sentence like a golden thread, and she's not just playing with words. This is orthodox stuff with emotional impact. She's good.
More, please. Any suggestions?
Posted by Bill White at 12:14 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
April 8, 2004
How we overcame a behavior difficulty with my youngest son.
Our youngest son is a very gentle, and loving kid. Everyone who meets him falls in love with him. I'm not exaggerating here. We hear all the time about how he has stolen someone's heart. Yet, this same gentle, loving kid has his moments where he is an absolute monster. There are times when he just, for whatever reason, draws a line in the sand, and decides he's not moving or doing anything or complying with us for any reason whatsoever. I can't tell you how many times my wife has called me in tears, as I was on my way to work to tell me that Bobby (not his real name - sorry, I'm big on anonymity on the internet especially when my family is involved) is throwing another fit, and she's not going to be able to get him to school on time.
One time he threw one of these fits in our van on the way to school. I'm glad this happened because the teacher came out to help coax him out which he did right away when he saw her. I'm glad that she got to see, firsthand, why he's late sometimes.
Anyway, this went on and on for a couple of years. We talked to Priests and other parents about this. It was so frustrating because it was difficult to describe why this was happening. Discipline seemed to have no effect on him whatsoever. Finally a Priest told us to pay attention to the little things and see if there is a pattern. Of course, we had been looking for a pattern, but hearing this made us decide to give it an extra effort. Also, he told us to outsmart him. Think ahead and figure out ways to stymie this behavior before it happens.
Bobby is very competitive. He doesn't like to lose and losing can also set him into one of his fits. So, phase 1 for us was to put this competitive nature to work for us. We set up a game in the morning that would reward with candy the first person downstairs, dressed, teeth brushed, shoes on, and overall ready to go to school. Then, we told our other kids to intentionally let Bobby win. Maybe try to win occasionally so that it's not obvious, but overall, let him win almost all of the time. They understood since they have seen how difficult the situation can be for my wife and I. Well, let me tell you, Bobby was the first one down, ready and raring to go. It was like magic.
Yet, I started to feel guilty. I would see the little lad race to be the first one down, all happy that he won. I felt bad because it was just a ruse, and I started to feel like I was lying to the kid. Now, the Priest that recommended outsmarting Bobby never told us to lie to him. As it turned out, the situation remedied itself because the other kids forgot about letting Bobby win all the time. After a few days, they forgot that it was just a ploy and were really trying to win. He still won a lot, and he was fine when he didn't win. This tactic helped, but didn't eliminate the problem.
Then, as time went on we did notice a pattern for when Bobby would throw one of his fits. His fits were usually in the morning before school. Now, I'm sure some of you reading this are probably going to say "duh" to this, but it started to dawn on us that these fits usually occurred when Bobby hadn't gotten enough sleep. I'm not sure why this didn't dawn on us sooner other than the fact that he didn't always throw fits, and sometimes his fits were at other times than the morning before school. Also, he was getting 8 to 8 1/2 hours of sleep a night. But we began to notice that anytime he got to bed after 9 pm, that's when the fits usually would occur.
So, we implemented phase 2 which involved 2 steps. First, Bobby gets to bed at 8 pm nightly as a rule with 8:30 being the absolute cutoff: drop everything, even if prayers have to be quick, and get the kid to bed.
Second, I implemented what I call a snooze wakeup. You know when your alarm goes off in the morning and you hit the snooze button for another 9 minutes of sleep? Well, I turn on the bedroom light in our kids rooms and wake them up. I say, "this is your snooze wakeup", and I make sure they acknowledge me. I then go back in 10 minutes later for the "real" wakeup.
The results? Bobby's fits are GONE!!! I don't mean diminished, I mean GONE. Praise God!!! It may have been a combination of the steps above and him maturing, but I'll bet that if he gets to bed after 9, we will have a fit on our hands the next morning.
God bless you!!!
Posted by Tom at 2:10 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
April 2, 2004
Gloria in excelsis Deo!
We just found out this morning that my wife is pregnant! The estimated due date is Sunday December 5, 2004, the feast day of many saints and martyrs. May they and you, dear Lector, remember us in prayer.
By way of introduction, here are some family photos.
Posted by Bill White at 12:06 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
Please keep my newborn son in your prayers.
My newborn son, Andrew, has a heart murmur. I know that, generally, this shouldn't be a big deal. However, the doctor is concerned about the location of the murmur. A heart ultrasound is going to be performed. Overall, I think everything is going to be ok, but please keep up the prayers.
God bless you!!!
Posted by Tom at 11:22 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack