June 10, 2006
What is HE? Chopped liver?!?
The following must of necessity be somewhat vague. If you have been following http://fructusventris.stblogs.org you have seen parts of this and understand why.
First let me say that my comments that follow are about something VERY REAL for one family.
More importantly PRAY for a family that the social services department in another state is trying their best to dismantle. Pray in particular that the TRUTH be brought to light.
The items in quotes are reputed to be from Social Services.
Assume that we are talking about a large Eastern Rite Catholic family. Several children are old enough to have moved out but one has moved back in with two children (one disabled) after a Divorce. Assume no court findings - only allegations. Assume that an allegation exists of abuse of a younger sibling by an older (not quite adult) sibling. Assume the application of the term "should have known, should have prevented". Assume also that the family is larger than mine and that several of the children are young (pre school). And add that some of the children are home schooled.
Here are a few comments that I wish you to ponder as Catholic men and as husbands and fathers.
"Your problem is that your family bonds are too tight"
"Abuse is learned within the family". If there is an allegation of abuse it is assumed that it was learned from the male parent.
"He was a stay at home dad when the allegation arose" Only an abuser would wish to stay at home with his children.
"Large families are by their nature abusive of the children" They cannot provide every physical 'need' that children should have.
"It will help you get custody of your children back if you divorce him." As my heading says: What is he? Chopped liver? They are their children.
"If you are given Physical Custody of the children, you may not even talk to him on the phone in the presence of the children."
"You are not to talk to him, even at church services."
"Since you do not have legal custody of the children, there is no requirement for them to go to church." They can decide for themselves when they are legal adults.
"Since the children are in the custody of Social Services their priest cannot visit them". See above.
"If you don't 'work with us' we can place you in jail like your son." A reputed response was that they should go ahead, they had already taken her children, there is nothing more that they can do to hurt her.
"You will be observed and your parenting evaluated during your visits with your children." Fewer visits as there are few 'trained observers' to do the evaluation.
I am trying to keep this vague but it is difficult. The entire process horrifies me. This is one area where aggressive actions to assume guilt make proving innocence difficult in the face of the actions that these alleged comments show being taken by Social Services.
How must the husband/father feel in this case? How wounded would any of us feel if we were excluded from the process of deciding the future of our children? How would we feel if we were told that our mere presence or our wife talking with us on the phone is damaging to our children?
Is this the fruit of No-Fault Divorce?
How would any of us feel/act if we were told that our Sacramental marriage must be ripped asunder for the right of one parent to have custody of their children to the total exclusion of the other? "What God has joined, let no man rip asunder" is what we are told in scripture.
I am old enough to remember hearing from my parents about the horror of the people in this country at hearing of similar actions in the USSR. What has changed to allow this to happen here? How deeply have we allowed the concepts of "State Socialism" to become entrenched. I fear just how easily we can be told "you no longer have legal custody of your children". I also fear the apparent lack of recourse. Most appalling to me is the lack of public scrutiny "For the sake of protecting the privacy of the children".
"Quis custodiet ipses custodies" (Who will guard the guardians?)
I do not intend this as a screed against the state. We know from much that is written what a horror abuse is. Sexual abuse, physical abuse, psychological abuse, abuse of power.
I will emphasize the request that I started this observaton with:
PRAY for a family that the social services department of one state is trying their best to dismantle. Pray in particular that the TRUTH be brought to light. May God's light and truth shine on all who are involved in this matter. May the Holy Spirit strengthen this family in their time of travail.
Pray in particular as men for the father involved! There but for God's grace (and a possibly unfounded allegation) go we!
Posted by John Huntley at 11:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Graces and gifts
Lord open my eyes to see the gifts that you have given me.
I have been one of the confirmation teachers at a parish for three years now. We are usually paired up as man / woman wherever possible. It is important that the young adults learn that spirituality is not just a "girl/woman" thing. There are always too few men involved as teachers.
One of the areas stressed in the second year of the two year program is the gifts of the spirit. They are told that the action of the gifts are seldom immediately evident. I am emphatic with my students that the gifts are REAL. I tell them that they will see them "In the fullness of time" for them. They are marked by the spirit and the graces are given to them.
A while back I ran into one of last years students at a restaurant. He shared that he had only been to mass about three times since being Confirmed. I told him that there are graces within him that will lead him back when he is ready to listen to the voice of the spirit inside him. I remember that I did challenge him to try. He shared that he had been challenging one of his teachers at the local Catholic High School about her views. He had asked why she believed that it was wrong to send people to war while she never talked about it being wrong to kill unborn persons. That got him sent out of the classroom. And Yes, I do continue to pray for the students.
There was a real blessing for this year's class. They were confirmed on Pentecost. The group this year was about 55 students. I was proud that my youngest daughter was a sponsor for a classmate from High School. I was also very pleased to note that one of my students from last year was also a sponsor.
There was a sad note to the confirmation also. About 8 of the students were not there. The students are drawn from several public and private schools. This year several sports teams went on to the finals. These playoffs were held on ... Sunday. Sigh!
Another grace for me has been the Tuesday 6AM men's prayer group that I attend (at a different parish). There is always sharing and discussion during the hour spent in the church. However there are times when the fellowship and ministering to each other at breakfast afterward is equally valuable.
I have been struggling in my day to day with the actions of a person in authority who says "I have my values and you have yours" I will not change my values to suit the environment. I continue to pray for him. I pray also that I can "let go and let God".
A catholic singer whose work I value is Marie Bellet Her song "One heroic moment" has been speaking to me lately. Particularly the refrain "I know that it is nothing compared to Calvary". One of the other men last Tuesday reminded me of that line. He challenged me to continue to "offer it up". I remembered that this was what my mom taught me. I am to remain in the world and not of it. Why do I keep hoping it will be easy?
Another grace is the presence of a Prepetual Adoration Chapel at that same parish. It has been a great help for me. To use a term I first saw used by Mark Shea: I find myself in need quite often for "Spiritual Radiation Therapy".
Another grace is present in the person who knows best how to challenge me. My Christmas Gift from Alicia was in 4 volumes. I am back into Vol III again. Ordinary time. Yep, the full set of liturgy of the hours. I only pray the Morning, Evening and Night. By God's graces I have only missed a few times since the first of the year. She saw that I was ready. I had been reading the evening prayers from the booklet "Magnificat" out loud for us for several months last Summer and Fall.
Finally, and of no less value, I praise God for our youngest daughter. She will be graduating from High School next weekend. While there has been the usual teenaged angst and self centeredness, she has taken the time to thank us for what we have done for her. She is the last of our six and the "baby" of our family.
I praise and glorify the Lord for the blessings in my life. I challenge all who read this to take a few moments to review the gifts in their lives and offer praise to God for them.
Posted by John Huntley at 9:54 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack