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August 31, 2004
Fathering advice
Today on Zenit can be found a reprint of a recent talk by a priest describing the role that the example of the parish priest can play in attracting new vocations. I was attracted to the following sentences in particular:
Priests, however, must be careful not to project their own views and desires onto others. Their role is not to control but rather to trust God by helping such men explore their own vocation, following wherever it may lead. This implies neither the imposition of ones own will nor the mere passive provision of a spiritual space. Rather it requires an active involvement through accompaniment and encouragement of those who feel the Lord may be calling them to priestly ministry.
I think I was struck by this section because these words can easily be used to describe the child-raising mission of any father, especially one with teenagers. I probably honed in on these words because I’ve struggled with being overly-controlling in my own family, more in years past, less so now, but still something I need to be constantly aware of with many situations that arise. This section also challenged me to review my own levels of “accompaniment and encouragement” with each of my children. In the general busyness of life, I know I can too easily become guilty of “the mere passive provision of a spiritual space” in our home life.
St Joseph, Glory of domestic life, pray for us.
Posted by Walter Babetski at 7:38 AM | TrackBack
August 27, 2004
Surfacing for a moment
In the last 24 hours I've cooked ham & egg breakfast sandwiches, peanut butter cookies, Italian beef, a breakfast strata, pancakes & sausage and a loaf of bread, and now I'm preparing to search the cookbooks for a cake for 1-year-old Monica's feastday. When your wife is on bedrest you learn all sorts of new things.
Time to dive back under the surface for a while.
Posted by Bill White at 10:03 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
Holy Father challenges youth again
Back here, I had mentioned how Pope John Paul II repeatedly challenges youth to find the meaning of their lives. He’s at it again in his just-released message for World Youth Day 2005:
Are you not perhaps yearning for the Absolute and in search of “something” to give a meaning to your lives? (next-to-last sentence in n. 6)
As we teach our children, and in an effort to follow our Holy Father’s lead, we’ve developed this basic summary of “the meaning of life” which we have posted in our bathroom as an ever-present reminder:
The goal of each human person is to attain full communion with God. Our earthly life is meant to be a lived response to the personal love that God our Father has for each of us. We fulfill our baptismal call as children of God through our faith in his beloved Son, Jesus, who redeemed us from our sinful, self-centered nature, and through doing his will for us by living lives of self-giving love for God and others, thereby reflecting to the world the very love of the Blessed Trinity. Because of our sin-prone fallen nature, we are incapable of doing this on our own. We need to freely cooperate with the abundant grace God makes available to us through his Church and the power of the Holy Spirit to live lives of ongoing conversion and evangelization. As we more and more give of ourselves and do God’s will, the very life of Christ is reproduced in us, and we fulfill our heavenly Father’s desire for us to be partakers of his divine nature and live in joyful eternal union with him as children in his family.
It’s probably a little longer than a good ‘mission statement’ should be, but we wanted to cover all of the elements that we thought were really necessary.
Of course, I welcome your comments, criticisms and suggestions.
Posted by Walter Babetski at 8:04 AM | TrackBack
August 26, 2004
The latest online issue of
The latest online issue of Lay Witness magazine has a short inspirational article on the Liturgy of the Hours for families.
Posted by Walter Babetski at 1:14 PM | TrackBack
August 25, 2004
The need to know
There was a flurry of comments over at Fructus Ventris as a result of a post about Celiac Disease, Deal Hudson and John Kerry and a second comment to a response. It is amazing the things that can come to someone's mind as a result of an excellent Homily.
There was one set of responses from someone who is obviously angry and disappointed by their lack of understanding of the Catholic Faith. The more I think about it the more I can emphathize with the pain of trying to understand but not receiving the depth of undertanding they expect. I can understand it. Lord, I believe. Help my disbelief.
The church is made up of people. We are all flawed. We cannot help but to say things that unexpectedly push someone else's buttons. We learn to accept that sometimes it will be "But that is not what I MEANT to say!" "Lord, I believe. Help my disbelief. " is not something I say to throw in someone else's face! It is my cry of agony as I struggle to live as a Catholic.
What makes the Catholic faith so hard to live is that it remains countercultural. We believe so that we can be led to understand. It is diametrically oposed to the expectations of our culture! "I deserve to know, and right now." Faith, like Love, is a verb, an action word. I might not want to Love someone, but I am called to do it as a Catholic (Christian). I may not want to be faithful to the teaching of the Church. But, as with Love, I must struggle to learn to be obedient.
We are also prodded to be excited about things. Sometimes a deeper understanding arrives when the excitement is just a memory. Maybe we'd overlook that understanding if the excitement was still there.
Possibly God has put understanding on a "Need to know" basis.
Coming to an understanding of our faith from reason is not impossible. But I have found that for me it is very difficult. Very few of us are like Augustine or Aquinas. But I have found that for me, "Sufficient to the day are the Graces God makes available to me". I have to chose to accept them. I have to chose to be faithful and obedient.
Faithfulness and obedience are not necessarily passive. This is particularly true for my role as a Husband and Father. I can be unfaithful to my call as a father by chosing not to act and not to correct. I can take the easy way out and not set a good example. I must take the step and ask forgivness when I cause my wife or children pain. I must make the effort to form my conscience and then to take advantage of the Sacrament of Confession for the forgivness of my sins. Most importantly, I must pray.
An image that I have for this world and our lives is a tapestry. (This is not original to me). I see the backside of the tapestry. Loose ends, knots, colors that clash. Occasionally I can get a glimmer of how parts of it go together. I fidget and fret trying to be patient as I wait till God is ready to let me see the tapestry from his side. There may still be a few knots I have to tie before then.
Lord, I believe. Help my disbelief.
Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God, have mercy on me a sinner.
Posted by John Huntley at 10:36 PM | TrackBack
Watching the Lord work
We just received a cool blessing from the Lord. My 18-yr-old daughter, Rosemary, has been looking for work recently. She has discerned that college is not her calling at this time (good!....cuz we don’t have the money to send her anyway!). Her work experience isn’t anything to rave about, though it’s not bad for her age. She’s been working periodically as a substitute Secretary/Receptionist at two places since she was sixteen. Otherwise, she’s had her share of babysitting jobs, and even worked a bit as a contractor’s helper.
Recently, an ad appeared in our parish bulletin for a secretarial opening at the local Catholic elementary school, just six blocks from our home. It seemed like a wonderful entry-level position for her. I helped her craft her first resume, and she applied for the job. She was one of four candidates called for an interview (her first ever). I spent a couple hours with her reviewing potential interview questions and helping her to ‘get the feel’ of what to say and what NOT to say.
The interview took place this past Monday evening. She was interviewed by two priests, one lay man and one lay woman. The interview scheme was not very intense, as they basically gave Rose a printed job description and asked her to tell them if she could perform all of the duties listed. So my two hours of intense interview prep with her might not have been necessary. It must have been Rose’s wonderful personality, combined with the prayers we had solicited, that made her the shining star in their eyes (shining with the light of Christ, that is). At home, we prayed over Rosemary before she left for the interview, and then prayed a rosary while she was there. And we invoked the intercession of St Rose of Lima, whose feastday it was. I couldn’t believe how nervous I was! I don’t think I’ll be that nervous waiting for her first baby to be delivered!
She got the job......and started the very next morning! When the Lord moves, he realllllly moves, eh!! Thank you, Lord!
Posted by Walter Babetski at 7:39 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
August 22, 2004
Marian Feminism
I was pleased when my wife directed me to this entry on "why don't we love men anymore" over at Scattershot Direct. M'Lynn's post is fleshing out a Marian Feminist aproach. She talks about how men/husbands can also have a "thankless job" and so often we just do what is needed daily. We should be respected for it. She says much more.
Marian Feminism will undoubtedly be derided as an oxymoron. In Amy Welborne's book de-coding DaVinci she points to the Mary as the true Sacred Feminine and her glaring absence in DVC. This book is a quick read. While under 130 pages, it is not fluff. It is insightful and incisive. As a personal insight into the author of DVC, I take a comment from a talk he gave (re-broadcast on New Hampshire Public Radio) in which he stated (my paraphrase) that the authors of the debunking books are "after all, writers and their real intent is to take advantage of the chance to make money by their writing about my book." Once again I was yelling at the radio while driving.
We should all be Marian Feminist. We are all called to support the women in our lives and to make our behavior a shining example for our sons and daughters. We support them by our prayer for and with them. We also support them by our physical presence, our encouragement and gentle correction. It is our call to love them. and to let them know we love them. I have been known to use flowers. I am told that words are ok also. I have learned not to follow the example of the old farmer who when asked why he never told his wife he loved her, replied: "I told her once when I married her, I've not changed my mind"
She cannot read my intent if I do not say it! When I tell her I love her, I (usually) remove the chance for misunderstanding.
Encouragement and gentle correction is something both Husband and Wife have to learn for themselves. We are not born with it. We both are called to forgive the other's clumsiness throughout our lives. Even the good example of my parents, took a while for me to internalize and adapt to my own life. An example from (early in) my own married life is when my wife said: "I love your mom dearly but I don't look like her, don't expect me to act like her!"
I am glad that my wife grew in love for me in spite of my missteps like above. I am also glad that we grow to love each other in spite of (and because of!!) the differences. It is one of God's blessings on our Sacramental Marriages.
Blessed be the Name of the Lord. Mary Mother of God, Pray for us.
Posted by John Huntley at 8:40 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
August 18, 2004
A day at the park
Yesterday was our family’s annual trip to the amusement park. Once each summer, we travel an hour to Knoebel’s Amusement Park for a day of fun. It has been a family tradition for about 15 years now. The level of eagerness with which the kids anticipate this day rivals that of Christmas (....should I be embarrassed about that?) Though we only make this trek into Columbia County in PA once a year, the kids know what landmarks to look for. The younger ones learn them from the older ones in a kind of passing down via oral tradition. And the excitement builds as each landmark is passed. We arrive by 11:00 a.m. when the park opens, and stay until it closes at 10:00 p.m. They really enjoy seeing the park lit up so colorfully after dark.
Amid the fun of the day, the occasional incident of selfishness gets overshadowed by many instances of self-giving love: older children taking younger ones on rides, one child passing up his preference to accommodate the preference of another, food being shared generously......a kind of barometer indicating that despite my many weaknesses as a father, the children are learning to love anyway (thanks mostly to Mom).
At one point, as I waited on a shady bench for the kids to finish on one of the rides, seeing all of the people in lines and milling about, I recalled the words of our Holy Father in n. 8 of Novo millennio ineunte:
I have often stopped to look at the long queues of pilgrims waiting patiently to go through the Holy Door. In each of them I tried to imagine the story of a life, made up of joys, worries, sufferings; the story of someone whom Christ had met and who, in dialogue with him, was setting out again on a journey of hope.
In a similar way, I looked at the faces of the people in my vicinity and wondered things like......what is the meaning of life for them?......do they believe in God?.....do they know the personal love of Jesus?......what difficulties or suffering are they experiencing in life?......do they pray?
As we pile into the car for the ride home, expressions of gratitude to Mom and Dad abound, started by the older ones and echoed by the younger. By the time we’ve driven 15 minutes, almost everyone has fallen asleep from exhaustion. And I get an hour of solitude while driving home.
Posted by Walter Babetski at 6:14 PM | TrackBack
August 13, 2004
Did Mary die?
Regarding this Sunday’s Solemnity of the Assumption, here are our Holy Father’s thoughts on whether or not our Blessed Mother died before she was assumed into heaven.....
Posted by Walter Babetski at 8:45 AM | TrackBack
August 11, 2004
Making decisions
The comments on this post below led me to reflect a bit on my own behavior regarding decision-making in the family. I find that if:
• My prayer life in general has not been good
• I haven’t been praying for my wife with some consistency recently
• I’ve not taken the time to pray specifically about the decision under consideration
• My relationship with my wife has been weak recently in some areas (e.g., not taking enough time to communicate properly, not working at exercising self-giving love for her (as Christ loved the Church)
• I haven’t received the Sacrament of Penance in a while
• I’ve been struggling (more than usual!) with humility lately, manifesting itself in self-centeredness
.....then I find myself questioning how effectively the charism of headship could operate in me at that time. As a result, I would be more reluctant to trust my own discernment, and more apt to subject myself to my wife’s insight (or, as our Holy Father calls it, her “feminine genius”).
(please note that these are not the only times I would defer to my wife.....she can also be gifted with more wisdom and better inspiration even when these aspects of my life are in better order!)
Any thoughts?
Posted by Walter Babetski at 12:19 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Till Death do us part.
There is a discussion of "When Faithful Catholics Divorce" going on at fructus ventris and apologia. The article is thought provoking reading. The commentary is even more so.
I know how difficult it is to hold to the covenant commitment of Sacramental Marriage. Years ago, my late mother told me that when early in her marriage she had complained to her confessor about just how difficult things were. His response was: "Who told you that life would be easy?" I think that this was the start of her habit of "Offering it up".
Let us do what we are called to do as Catholics. Join me in offering up a prayer of thanksgiving for our Marriages and in praying for those with inadequate preparation for the Sacrament of Marriage. Let us pray for those who are struggling in their marriage. May God show them that sufficient to the day are the Graces he has provided them.
May the blessings of their children (should they have them) help to pull them together. May the self-sacrifice and unity that are part of this Sacrament be strengthened and carried over to the nurturing and raising of these children in the love of Our Lord Jesus Christ.
In his Holy Name let us pray...
Posted by John Huntley at 10:37 AM | TrackBack
August 4, 2004
There was in interesting little
There was in interesting little discussion occurring at Rex Olandi here and then here, prompted by the release of the Vatican document on the collaboration of men and women.
Regarding Paul’s later post on the issue, I think that mutual subjection is a stronger term, necessarily used in reference to marriage, because the unity to which a wife and husband are called is more critical than unity among men and women in general. If I’m collaborating with women on a parish council, I don’t necessarily need to form/maintain the depth of unity with them that I am called to with my wife.
It’s interesting to note that in all of his writing on family, husbands/fathers, men/women, laity, etc., never once does Pope John Paul II refer to the husband as “head.” (but he also never refutes any of the past instances where other popes have used this term). Even in his exhortation on St Joseph, he never refers to him as “head” of the Holy Family (except where he quotes Pope Leo XIII) (again, he also never refutes any of the past instances where other popes have used this term). He seems to really want to emphasize the aspect of mutuality.
On a personal note, I can’t actually recall any disagreements in which Mary Cay and I were at absolute loggerheads. One of us always deferred to the insight of the other, even if we were still a bit skeptical. That’s the way self-giving love is supposed to operate in mutual subjection. But, theoretically, what if a loving, Catholic husband and wife were at a complete impasse, unresolvably deadlocked (assuming no issues of immorality or abuse of authority). Does past Catholic teaching (esp Leo XIII & Pius XI) mean that the husband has the responsibility to make the decision, and must the wife submit to it? What do you think?
Posted by Walter Babetski at 2:34 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack
August 3, 2004
I enjoy finding good prayers.
I enjoy finding good prayers. Here's a Prayer for Family Healing that I found while surfing one day.
Posted by Walter Babetski at 8:00 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack