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May 31, 2004

The rule of law.

"I Believe in God the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth. And in Jesus Christ his only son..." I believe in God and that he made the ordered universe around me.

This world has a very strict set of laws. Physical laws. Gravity comes to mind. Momentum does also. Conservation of energy. Lightning is a big caution of mine. That has to do with my line of work. I don't always understand the why of them but I do acknowledge their effects. I cannot "decide" that gravity or any other physical law does not apply to me.

Part of my role as a father is teaching the children "not to play on the freeway" (or run into the street when they are very young). I must help them to internalize an obedience to the physical laws that can kill them. I've had at least one child that had to find out for themselves what "Hot" really meant. And yes, they get that from me. I often learn best from leaving a nose-mark in the wall.

I also believe that God as maker and creator can suspend these laws. We call that "A Miracle". We ask, and he may chose to do so. Jesus could walk on water, calm the storm, heal those around him and cast out demons. This is part of what we believe as Catholic Christians. It is only a small part of what we believe. We also believe in all we say in the Nicene Creed each Sunday.

I believe that there are also ordered spiritual laws. Hard spiritual laws, like gravity is a hard - unchangable physical law. They are harder to observe than the physical. I don't know if that is the consequence of a choice not to observe them or if it is because of our nature. Willfull? Disobedient?

By "law" I don't mean the rules and regulations that God gave to our spiritual forefathers as found in the Old Testament. Nor those rules given by Jesus and passed on to us in the New Testament. Nor the continuous teaching of the Magesterium of the Church. These teachings (rules) were given to us so that in our obedience to them, we do not suffer the spiritual equivalent of being "Run over by a Truck" Indeed, the consequences of disobedience to the spiritual laws are more severe. Eternal punishment is a lot more severe!

I have been searching for the perfect descriptive analogy between the physical laws and spiritual laws. I have been coming up short. I know that we must obey the laws of God. I wonder if when we are disobedient, that we are chosing to "Play on the freeway" (Expressway, Interstate, Highway) and that at the point of Death if we are in that state of sin, we will experience the equivalent of being hit by that truck. Yes, I have tied disobedience to sin.

I am apalled by how often I have heard that a "Truly Loving God would never condem us to Eternal Suffering because of our actions". The logic of this belief escapes me. If this logic were carried through to the physical world, the same "TLG" would never allow us to die if we chose to jump off a cliff. (suffering the consequences of physical law of gravity)

I am grateful to God that he has given us the "miracle" of absolution. When I recognize my sins, actions & omissions, willfulless & self-centeredness, and am truly contrite AND confess them to the Priest (in alter Christi) in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, the punishment for these actions is lifted from me.

The miracle of forgiveness is God's gift to me, but I must ask. I must acknowledge my prior sin. I must intend not to sin again. I must use the Sacrament that we were given by Christ Jesus.

I struggle not to presume on Gods divine mercy. I strive to be the good example that Alicia and the children can look to.

Posted by John Huntley at 7:05 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

May 29, 2004

Parishes and Families

A week ago, our Holy Father addressed some American bishops on their every-five-year visit. The subject of the day was family life. What he said included:

In order to ensure that the family is capable of fulfilling this mission, the Church has a sacred responsibility to do all she can to assist married couples in making the family a "domestic church" and in fulfilling properly the "priestly role" to which every Christian family is called.

A most effective way to accomplish this task is by assisting parents to become the first preachers of the Gospel and the main catechists in the family. This particular apostolate requires more than a mere academic instruction on family life; it requires the Church to share the hurts and struggles of parents and families, as well as their joys.

This reminded me of a segment from the Pope’s “Letter to Families” written ten years ago:

22.......Christ will be the judge, but in the way that he himself indicated in speaking of the Last Judgment (cf. Mt 25:31-46). His will be a judgment on love, a judgment which will definitively confirm the truth that the Bridegroom was with us, without perhaps our having been aware of it.

The judge is the Bridegroom of the Church and of humanity. This is why he says, in passing his sentence: "Come, O blessed of my Father... for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me" (Mt 25:34-36). This list could of course be lengthened, and countless other problems relevant to married and family life could be added. There we might very well find statements like: "I was an unborn child, and you welcomed me by letting me be born"; "I was an abandoned child, and you became my family"; "I was an orphan, and you adopted me and raised me as one of your own children". Or again: "You helped mothers filled with uncertainty and exposed to wrongful pressure to welcome their unborn child and let it be born"; and "You helped large families and families in difficulty to look after and educate the children God gave them". We could continue with a long and detailed list, including all those kinds of true moral and human good in which love is expressed. This is the great harvest which the Redeemer of the world, to whom the Father has entrusted judgment, will come to reap. It is the harvest of grace and of good works, ripened by the breath of the Bridegroom in the Holy Spirit, who is ever at work in the world and in the Church. For all of this, let us give thanks to the Giver of every good gift.

What kind of assistance to parents might be forthcoming, specifically at the parish level?

Our pastor, knowing that we would not normally purchase tickets for parish functions like spaghetti dinners, pancake breakfasts, etc. (because it would cost too much for our large family), usually gives us free tickets to these events for our entire family. This is very generous!

Care to share any examples of how your parish has helped your family above-and-beyond the call of duty, or shared in your hurts/struggles/joys?

Posted by Walter Babetski at 9:12 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

May 28, 2004

Well, Shrek 2 is out. Any suggestions?

I was going to take my family to see Shrek 2 this weekend, but decided not to based on Steven Greydanus' review of the movie. This was the paragraph of the review that sealed the decision for my wife and I:

"Suffice to say that children young enough to be the target audience for Disney’s Pinocchio don’t need to see a spoof that implies that Pinocchio likes wearing women’s underwear. And that’s only one of a number of cross-dressing jokes, which also include a throwaway line about the big bad wolf in Grandma’s nightgown being “gender-confused,” and an inexplicable sight gag involving a deep-voiced male bartender in wicked-stepsister drag (Larry King — yes, that Larry King). If all of this is the price we must pay for this sequel’s reduced level of flatulence and body-function humor, I’d have preferred more flatulence."

I made the mistake of letting the kids in on the fact that we were considering going to see this movie, and they are really disappointed that they can't see it. I told them that I would see if there is anything else currently in the theater that may be good family viewing.

Any suggestions on movies currently in the theater that will be safe for family vieiwing?

Posted by Tom at 10:10 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

May 27, 2004

Baptism Days

Yesterday we celebrated the anniversary of 8-yr-old Catherine’s Baptism (we call it their Baptism Day). It’s a custom that is very big in Poland (land of my ancestors), and PJPII occasionally exhorts the lay faithful to celebrate the anniversary of their Baptism.
In our family, the child normally invites a few friends over. We have a meal, a cake with candles, and sing “Happy Baptism Day.” I give a brief reminder-catechesis about the Sacrament of Baptism. We have a renewal of Baptismal promises, and invoke the intercession of the child’s name saints. We verbally honor the child by affirming their noticeable virtues and good character traits. And they get a gift or two. Catherine received a Razor scooter and a videotape movie entitled “Far From Home” (boy, dog, lost in British Columbia….).
We also celebrate birthdays, just with a little less fanfare. Birthday celebrations focus more on the gift of the child’s life, and the parents’ openness to new life. Keeping Baptism Days a little fancier, more memorable, and a bit more eagerly anticipated is our way of highlighting the supernatural importance of that day.

Posted by Walter Babetski at 8:21 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

May 25, 2004

Spanking

Compare, the "experts" with Dr. Ray. I'll stick with Dr. Ray.

Posted by Tom at 1:01 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

The Cost of Kids

I got one of those e-mails everyone sends around that I usually never forward, but this one is pretty good. I'm sure you've all heard how expensive kids are. A warning that my wife and I filed away in the circular file some time ago.

I have repeatedly seen the breakdown of the cost of raising a child, but this is the first time I have seen the rewards listed this way. It's nice, really nice!

The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140.00 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition.

But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into $8,896 a year, $741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week. That's a mere $24.24 a day! Just over a dollar an hour.

Still, you might think the best financial advice says don't have children if you want to be "rich." It is just the opposite.

What do your get for your $160,140?

Naming rights,--- First, middle, and last!

Glimpses of God everyday.

Giggles under the covers every night.

More love than your heart can hold.

Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.

Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.

A hand to hold, usually covered with jam.

A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sand castles, and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.

Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.

For $160,140, you never have to grow up.

You get to finger-paint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs, and never stop believing in Santa Claus.

You have an excuse to keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney Land, and wishing on stars.

You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for
Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.

For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck.

You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, taking the training wheels off the bike, removing a splinter, filling a wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.

You get a front row seat to history to witness the first step, first word, first bra, first date, and first time behind the wheel. You get to be immortal.

You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren.

You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.

In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God.

You have all the power to heal a booboo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost.

ENJOY YOUR KIDS AND GRANDKIDS

Posted by Tom at 10:19 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Hurray for big families!!

Ark. Family Marks Birth of 15th Child

"Their children include two sets of twins, and the parents have stuck to the letter "J" for their names. There is Joshua, 16; Jana and John-David, 14; Jill, 13; Jessa, 11; Jinger, 10; Joseph, 9; Josiah, 7; Joy-Anna, 6; Jeremiah and Jedidiah, 5; Jason, 4; James, 2; and Justin, 1."

I can only hope to be so blessed.

Posted by Tom at 9:41 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

May 24, 2004

Best Birthday Gift Ever...

Today was my 24th birthday. When I got home I was immediately met by my beautiful wife and daughter, who showered me with a bunch of cool "stuff". I got the watch I needed, the leather cell phone case that will hold my phone in place, a St. John Newman Plaque, and a palm pilot keyboard. But of all this stuff, nothing compares to what turned out to be the most awesome gift ever. I opened my card, and out fell that familiar "This holy hour was offered for..." card. It's bright red, with a gold montrance on the front. My wife had added and changed the words so that it read, "In honor of my husband, I committ to offer one holy hour a week for him." All the other cool things that I had wanted and got faded into the background. I love my wife. Thank you Jesus.

If we all would offer such things.

Posted by Jayson Franklin at 9:07 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

Mutual Sanctification

Tom's post here, and Kelly's post here, along with parts of John’s post right below this one, got me thinking about the concept of mutual sanctification (between spouses). Is it appropriate to categorize our efforts at mutual sanctification as passive or active? Tom’s wife was not trying to “help” him to be holier by her action, but it looks like that will be the result of it. Same with Kelly’s husband. A more active example is John’s asking his wife’s forgiveness even when he’s right! Even more active would be a husband who asks his wife for suggestions on how he could better serve her with getting the children ready for Mass, or how he might better communicate with his teenagers. Sometimes ideas on this stuff will be exchanged in normal conversation. But other times I think a more active effort could be made.

Anyway, here’s some of what the Church teaches about mutual sanctification, with the key points in bold:

Vatican II’s “Dogmatic Constitution on the Church”

11. …..Christian spouses, in virtue of the sacrament of Matrimony, whereby they signify and partake of the mystery of that unity and fruitful love which exists between Christ and His Church, help each other to attain to holiness in their married life and in the rearing and education of their children. (see also CCC, n. 1641)

41. …..Furthermore, married couples and Christian parents should follow their own proper path (to holiness) by faithful love. They should sustain one another in grace throughout the entire length of their lives.

Vatican II’s “Constitution on the Church in the Modern World”

48. The intimate partnership of married life and love has been established by the Creator and qualified by His laws….. Thus a man and a woman, who by their compact of conjugal love "are no longer two, but one flesh" (Matt. 19:ff), render mutual help and service to each other through an intimate union of their persons and of their actions. Through this union they experience the meaning of their oneness and attain to it with growing perfection day by day…..By virtue of this sacrament, as spouses fulfill their conjugal and family obligation, they are penetrated with the spirit of Christ, which suffuses their whole lives with faith, hope and charity. Thus they increasingly advance the perfection of their own personalities, as well as their mutual sanctification, and hence contribute jointly to the glory of God. (quoted also in CCC, n. 2364) (quoted also in Familiaris Consortio, n. 56)

52. The family is a kind of school of deeper humanity. But if it is to achieve the full flowering of its life and mission, it needs the kindly communion of minds and the joint deliberation of spouses…. Finally, let the spouses themselves, made to the image of the living God and enjoying the authentic dignity of persons, be joined to one another in equal affection, harmony of mind and the work of mutual sanctification.

Pope Pius XI’s “On Christian Marriage” (1930)

23. …..The love, then, of which We are speaking is not that based on the passing lust of the moment nor does it consist in pleasing words only, but in the deep attachment of the heart which is expressed in action, since love is proved by deeds. This outward expression of love in the home demands not only mutual help but must go further; must have as its primary purpose that man and wife help each other day by day in forming and perfecting themselves in the interior life, so that through their partnership in life they may advance ever more and more in virtue, and above all that they may grow in true love toward God and their neighbor, on which indeed "dependeth the whole Law and the Prophets." For all men of every condition, in whatever honorable walk of life they may be, can and ought to imitate that most perfect example of holiness placed before man by God, namely Christ Our Lord, and by God's grace to arrive at the summit of perfection, as is proved by the example set us of many saints.

24. This mutual molding of husband and wife, this determined effort to perfect each other, can in a very real sense, as the Roman Catechism teaches, be said to be the chief reason and purpose of matrimony, provided matrimony be looked at not in the restricted sense as instituted for the proper conception and education of the child, but more widely as the blending of life as a whole and the mutual interchange and sharing thereof.

Posted by Walter Babetski at 4:33 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

May 23, 2004

Teach your children well

I recently commented on the Family Bed posting

I concluded: I believe that by "letting" the children join us in bed when they needed to, they learned that they can "come to us" when they need to. They have done that. Each in their own individual way.

I believe that we have to teach our children the skill and judgment to trust us. By learning to trust us, they learn to trust God. (No, I am not equating myself as a parent with God!) They find it easier to take the step of trusting in things they have not yet learned to understand.

It is neither simple nor easy to be a parent. Our children do learn from the examples that they see. Our behaviors are the first examples that they will see. They will see both our good and bad behaviors. I know that first hand! Other examples will pull at them: The behaviors of others at school, in the neighborhood, of a relative, or the constant babble of the TV and Radio. I experienced that when my children are certain ages I am "stupid or Out of it". I can recollect how much smarter my parents became as I aged from 16 to 23. I still did not realize how STUPID I would become to my children. But, following my own parents' good example, I remained "Stupid". Sufficient to the day are the graces we are given. It became an incentive to pray. At some points, count to ten became ten Our Fathers.

Most of our children were raised in Los Angeles. (working class suburb) They were raised with a reasonable distrust of those around them. The usual admonitions about "Don't talk to strangers" were given. One (now adult) daughter used to scare the dickens out of us. She would walk up to strangers. We said many prayers that she be guided and guarded. We discovered over time that she was more discriminating than it appeared. We had to learn to trust her (and trust God).

Another thing that they have to learn is forgiveness. They can learn it by experiencing it from us and seeing it between us. By "us" I mean their parents. I can be harsh. Some behaviors will have consequences. Limits, rules, expectations were (and are...) all a part of my expectations. I don't think that, as a Father, I'm unusual in these expectations or occasionally harsh behaviors.

The most difficult part to being a Good Father is making sure that my expectations are reasonable.

I had to learn to say to my children (individually and personally). "I was a little harsh in how I reacted to what you did. I do love you. Please forgive my overreaction. " I do begin this with talking with them to make sure that they recognize the nature of their mis-behavior. But I make sure that they understand that I over reacted also. I have learned that I DO NOT have to be perfect for my children.

Teach them early that when they have squabbled or fought or been nasty to each other, they are to ask each other for forgiveness. Try to teach them empathy for the hurt the other feels. Teach them early. Will they grow out of it? They might. But it easier to teach them when they are young.

I'm still striving to meet a bit of wise advice I was given for those times when Alicia & I argue. "If in the midst of an argument with your spouse, you suddenly discover you are RIGHT, Apologize immediately!" The children have seen and understand that Alicia and I not only argue but ask each other's forgiveness. They also know that we pray with and for each other.

I have the lyric of a Marie Belet song "IF Only" running through my mind as I write this. I pray for what God knows is Best for Alicia, not what would be better for me "If Only". It is not always easy. It is what I am called to do.

I hope to take the "talents" that God has given me (spouse and children) and return them to him nurtured and grown. I may ignore them occasionally. Prune them too vigorously. Overwater them. With his grace, they will grow and flower. I praise God for those who have nurtured me.

Posted by John Huntley at 10:03 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

May 22, 2004

38th World Communications Day

Tomorrow is the 38th World Communications Day. Here is Pope John Paul II's message for this day. Here are a few comments that I found interesting. The bold text is my emphasis.

"People grow or diminish in moral stature by the words, which they speak and the messages which they choose to hear. Consequently, wisdom and discernment in the use of the media are particularly called for on the part of communications professionals, parents and educators, for their decisions greatly affect children and young people for whom they are responsible, and who are ultimately the future of society."
...
"Yet these same media also have the capacity to do grave harm to families by presenting an inadequate or even deformed outlook on life, on the family, on religion and on morality."
...
"On the other hand, the family and family life are all too often inadequately portrayed in the media. Infidelity, sexual activity outside of marriage, and the absence of a moral and spiritual vision of the marriage covenant are depicted uncritically, while positive support is at times given to divorce, contraception, abortion and homosexuality. Such portrayals, by promoting causes inimical to marriage and the family, are detrimental to the common good of society."
...
"Pope Paul VI pointed out that professional communicators should “know and respect the needs of the family, and this sometimes presupposes in them true courage, and always a high sense of responsibility” (Message for the 1969 World Communications Day). It is not so easy to resist commercial pressures or the demands of conformity to secular ideologies, but that is what responsible communicators must do. The stakes are high, since every attack on the fundamental value of the family is an attack on the true good of humanity."
...
"The media should not appear to have an agenda hostile to the sound family values of traditional cultures or the goal of replacing those values, as part of a process of globalization, with the secularized values of consumer society."
...
"Parents, as the primary and most important educators of their children, are also the first to teach them about the media. They are called to train their offspring in the “moderate, critical, watchful and prudent use of the media” in the home (Familiaris Consortio, 76). "
...
"Parents also need to regulate the use of media in the home. This would include planning and scheduling media use, strictly limiting the time children devote to media, making entertainment a family experience, putting some media entirely off limits and periodically excluding all of them for the sake of other family activities. Above all, parents should give good example to children by their own thoughtful and selective use of media. Often they will find it helpful to join with other families to study and discuss the problems and opportunities presented by the use of the media. Families should be outspoken in telling producers, advertisers, and public authorities what they like and dislike."

Posted by Tom at 10:56 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

May 21, 2004

The Birds and the Bees

I would appreciate some feedback on when is a good time to have "The Talk" with my oldest son. My wife and I are starting to sense that the time is rapidly approaching, yet at 10 I'm still feeling that he is too young.

We are noticing that he seems to be getting "suspicious" of things. I can't quite put my finger on how to describe this "suspicion", but we are starting to sense that 2+2=4 is right around the corner. The other day, he saw a pigeon jump on top of another pigeon. He asked, "Is that a love thing?" My wife and I gave each other one of those looks.

If we lived in a more innocent culture, I think that we would probably wait until he is older, maybe 12. Yet, even as careful as we are, our culture manages to drop it's not so subtle hints in places where we aren't always able to successfully filter things out. The tabloid magazine rack at the grocery store. I usually turn the lurid ones around as soon as we get in line so the back cover is facing us. But there are other things: the "Adult" Superstore billboards on the highway. Not to mention what he might hear at school from children whose parents aren't as careful as we are.

Is it prudent to beat our culture to the punch, so to speak, so that he gets the message in the way we want him to get it?

Posted by Tom at 2:21 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

May 20, 2004

How great is my wife?

The title of this post could also be, "It's the little things." This actually happened last November, but I was thinking about it today on my walk to work, and thought I would go ahead and post this.

Back in November I had a nasty sinus infection. I missed a day of work (Friday), and was sick all through the weekend. I was hoping that by Sunday night I would be better so I could go back to work Monday. I had no idea I had a sinus infection. All I knew was that it was painful and I couldn't sleep very well. I absolutely could not sleep Sunday night, so I ended up going to ER right around midnight.

I got all checked out, given a couple prescriptions, and sent back home. As I walked in the door, my wife was asleep on the couch. She had gotten out of bed and moved downstairs so she could be there for me when I got home. I can't tell you how touched I was when I saw this.

Would I have done this? I'm ashamed to say that I can tell you that there is a 99.9% chance that I would have stayed right in bed. My wife is always helping me to be less selfish, and this was a big shot in the arm.

Posted by Tom at 12:00 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Attn: NFP husbands

Over at the HMS blog, Rachel Watkins is seeking input from NFP-practicing men.

Posted by Walter Babetski at 10:18 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

May 18, 2004

Friendship Among Men

In this excellent article on friendship among men (entitled “The Friendship-Deficit Syndrome” in the May 2004 Catholic World Report magazine), Fr McCloskey writes: “Friendship requires spending time with one another. There are no short cuts…..we need to share who we are and what we have to give, in order to receive the same gift from our friend.”

I am somewhat convicted by this, because I feel that I have few close male friends. I blame that condition on my responsibilities involved in fathering a large family, along with my personal preference to spend time in prayer and spiritual reading. Now I’m wondering how much I’ve cheated myself out of receiving “the same gift from our friend?”

Posted by Walter Babetski at 12:28 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

A Prayer to Start the Workday

This is one of my favorite prayers with which to begin my workday, written by Pope Pius XII in 1958:

Prayer to St Joseph the Worker

O glorious patriarch St Joseph, humble and just workman of Nazareth, who has given to all Christians but especially to us, the example of a perfect life of assiduous work and admirable union with Mary and Jesus, help us in our daily tasks, so that we Catholic workmen may also be able to find in them the efficacious means to glorify our Lord, to sanctify ourselves, and to be useful to the society in which we live – all as supreme ideals of our actions.

Obtain for us from our Lord, O beloved Protector, humility and simplicity of heart, love of work, and benevolence toward those who are our companions in it; conformity to the divine will in the inevitable sufferings of this life, and joy in bearing them; a consciousness of our specific social mission and a sense of our responsibility; a spirit of discipline and of prayer; docility and respect toward our superiors; brotherhood toward our equals; charity and indulgence for those who depend on us. Be with us in moments of success, when everything beckons us to taste the honest fruits of our fatigue; but sustain us in our hours of sadness, when heaven seems to be closed against us and the very instruments of labor seem to rebel in our hands.

Grant that according to your example we may keep our eyes fixed on our mother Mary, your most sweet spouse, who silently used to do her weaving in a corner of your modest workshop, with the sweetest smile playing on her lips. Grant that we may not lose sight of Jesus, who busied himself with you at your carpenter’s bench. Thus may we be able to lead a peaceful and holy life on earth, as a prelude to that eternally happy one which awaits us in heaven for ever and ever, Amen.

Posted by Walter Babetski at 7:25 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

May 16, 2004

I love the Family Bed

Our daughter is on the verge of her first birthday, and we're heavily debating how much longer we'll continue to keep a family bed. Beyond it's inherent benefit to natural child spacing, I love nothing other than sleeping with my daughter and wife, the two girls I love the most. Of course, this bliss must end some day and Evelyn must start to sleep in her own bed in order to "make way" for the next installment to the Franklin Clan. Surprisingly for me, there are many Evangelical Christians and even Catholics who frown on such sleeping arrangements. They say it inherently infringes on the marital privacy of a married couple. I for one, don't see this, as there are other ways to make such arrangements. Either way, I'm going to struggle putting the little one down in her own room, away from my arms.

Posted by Jayson Franklin at 10:04 PM | Comments (12) | TrackBack

May 15, 2004

An Enjoyable Family Resource

This is a truly wonderful magazine. High quality paper and print job, too. It's published by some part of the Legionaries of Christ. Unfortunately, none of it is available to view online. But you can order a free trial issue. Believe me, you get a lot for your money (if you subscribe).

Posted by Walter Babetski at 10:33 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

May 14, 2004

Holy Days

I asked this question on the Catholic Homeschoolers blog this morning, but repeat it here in case some of our readers don't visit that blog:

As we draw near to the Solemnity of the Ascension, I'm wondering if there are many homeschooling fathers who take off work on holy days of obligation to celebrate with their families all day, or if this is not a very high priority. Since I've now been with my employer long enough to have earned three weeks vacation each year, I think I'd like to do that. Or would it be more important to save those extra days and string them together in order to have another little family vacation in which I could have some extended contact with my family, instead of just one day? Any thoughts?

Posted by Walter Babetski at 7:41 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

May 13, 2004

What to do?

It’s been three years now since my son, Gregory, was first eligible to become an altar server in our parish. But he continues to decline all of Fr Langan’s invitations to do so. It really has me bewildered. After all, I was an altar server in my youth. Greg’s older brother was an altar server until he turned 19. But Greg has remained steadfast in his refusal. The story of Lucifer’s non serviam doesn’t faze him. The prospect of breaking our little family tradition doesn’t bother him. Even my little encouragement-to-be-self-giving chat with him after First Friday benediction last week, at which Father L had no altar server to assist him, left Greg unmoved. I don’t pester him about it. About once every month or two, I put out a little feeler. And every few months after Mass Father will ask Greg if he’s reconsidered. Greg has always been a bit on the shy side. And he seems to be a little intimidated about the prospect of having to serve with girls (most of the altar servers in our parish are female). So I wait and hope and pray that our Lord will change Greg’s heart. In the meantime, it’s been said that “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink……but you can salt his oats!” So if anyone has any creative ideas for oat-salting, I’m all ears!!

Posted by Walter Babetski at 12:33 PM | Comments (15) | TrackBack

May 12, 2004

Now Taking Requests

If visitors to this blog have any specific topics related to Catholic family life/spirituality on which you would like us to post, or if you have any questions (again, related to Catholic family life/spirituality or the Categories on the left sidebar), please advise us via the Comments box under this post, and we’ll do our best to accommodate you. Thanks for reading!

Posted by Walter Babetski at 12:29 PM | TrackBack

May 11, 2004

Productive Fathering

I found this article entitled “A Father’s Unity of Life” several months ago. It illustrates how fathers who are good “producers” at work can avoid being primarily “consumers” at home. I keep a copy of this article with the materials that I use to prepare for Confession. Stenson’s list of attributes of a “producer” father serves as a type of examination of conscience for me. And the monthly review helps me to keep these responsibilities in the forefront of my mind.

One observation I’ve made, though, is that there are also weak and ineffective fathers who are great producers at home. They are just not geared to producing the type of items on Stenson’s list. They see to it that their child/children are involved in plenty of sports and activities. They make sure that the children get to all of the practices/games/meetings. They work diligently landscaping their property (often without the help of the children), and adding every possible adornment to their home. None of these things is objectively wrong, especially if done in balance and moderation. But these things take a great deal of time, energy and money. So these fathers end up paying what those in economics call an opportunity cost, which is the cost assigned to a forgone alternative. In this discussion, the opportunity cost is the attainment of the attributes on Stenson’s list, forgone because the resources (time/energy/money) needed to attain them have been ‘spent’ elsewhere.

"Children will blame an ungodly father, for they suffer reproach because of him." ---- Sirach 41:7 (RSV)

Posted by Walter Babetski at 12:25 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

May 8, 2004

Toy Boat Toy Boat Toy Boat

Go to this priest/monk's blog and scroll down to the May 4th entry about tongue twisters and the speech synthesizer. I tried this with the kids last night. It really works! What a gas!! It's soooo funny to hear someone say "toy boat" 50 times in rapid succession without making a mistake, and then trying it yourself. They enjoyed getting a printout of all the tongue twisters so they could try them all by themselves, without the speech synthesizer (fortunately, I screened them first and deleted the one about the "pheasant plucker"). OK, OK....so I'm easily amused.

Posted by Walter Babetski at 1:34 PM | TrackBack

Moments of Joy

I had two “stop and smell the roses” moments recently:

Two weeks ago at Sunday Mass, my daughter Angela’s Confirmation class was being ‘formally enrolled’ as they began the final year of their preparation. Just prior to the start of Mass, the students and their parents/families made their way up the center aisle to take their places in the first 6 or 8 pews on each side of our church (it was not really a procession). I was behind Angela, and we were about three-quarters of the way back ‘in the pack.’ In our church, the tabernacle is directly behind the main altar on the center-aisle-axis. None of the 50 or 60 people that preceded us genuflected. But as my daughter arrived at our pew, she stopped (without my prompting) and made a reverent genuflection before entering. Well this father’s heart swelled with gratitude to the Lord that lessons of reverence for the Real Presence of Jesus had been well-learned, and were apparently stronger than a teenager’s neglectfulness or fear of being different.

Last Saturday, my daughter Catherine’s First Holy Communion class had its final practice in the church. After they were dismissed, as we were getting ready to leave, (again, without my prompting) Cathy went over to both of the class instructors and said “thank you” while giving each of them a great big hug. The joy on the faces of those women was a priceless sight!

Though seemingly trivial, I’m glad that these incidents didn’t just pass me by. I was sure to tell each of the girls that I had noticed these acts of love, too. As I get older, I really enjoy cherishing these moments.

Posted by Walter Babetski at 11:10 AM | TrackBack

May 7, 2004

Marian Prayer

It seems that one of the fruits of my personal prayer time is that I like to compose a prayer once in a while. Here's one that I like to pray during May and on First Saturdays:

ACT OF CONSECRATION TO THE IMMACULATE HEART OF MARY

Mary, Queen of the kingdom of God, and Mother of mercy,
I thank you for the motherly concern that you have for me.
I am eternally grateful to you for bringing Jesus to us,
and I trust that your loving intercession will bring me to him.
As God’s masterpiece, I honor your Immaculate Heart, and I consecrate myself to it this day.
May your heart inspire me to do whatever Jesus tells me.
May your prayers help me to imitate your obedience, humility and self-giving love.
May your commitment to do God’s will be a model for me,
And when suffering comes my way, pray that I will find strength in your example of patient endurance.
Above all, may I be faithful in doing my part in fulfilling your desire to have your Son, Jesus, honored by all men.
Immaculate Heart of Mary, I love you. Pray for me!

Posted by Walter Babetski at 8:17 AM | TrackBack

May 6, 2004

Honoring Mothers

In his 1995 “Letter to Women,” Pope John Paul II said:

“Thank you, women who are mothers! You have sheltered human beings within yourselves in a unique experience of joy and travail. This experience makes you become God's own smile upon the newborn child, the one who guides your child's first steps, who helps it to grow, and who is the anchor as the child makes its way along the journey of life.”

As Mother’s Day approaches, I wonder how I can adequately honor my wife, who is “God’s own smile” on my children. And I’m challenged to ensure that such honoring is not just a one-day event, but occurs at every opportunity during the year. I’m convicted that I allowed some of those opportunities to pass by in the past year due to my selfishness.

So rally with me, men, as I start anew this Mother’s Day: let’s esteem our wives and affirm their vocation of motherhood. Not being a terribly creative guy myself, I’d enjoy hearing anyone’s (men’s or women’s) ideas or experiences of honoring Mom on her special day.

Posted by Walter Babetski at 12:09 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

May 5, 2004

Fr. Elijah's Excerpts

Sometimes this is how I see comments in some catholic blogs:

"It begins with little things, Davy. Things that look harmless at first. Irritation, grumbling, resentment. Then gradually, like-minded individuals gratitate toward each other. They reinforce each other's criticisms, grow bolder, gain confidence. They tell each other that they have interpreted the Council correctly [...] After a while they convince themselves that they're saving the Church [...]"
Father Elijah, Michael O'Brien

Another excerpt, this time defining so well our every day lives:

"I think you were hit with more than one kind of temptation during this past week. First of all, you let yourself be drawn away from prayer. You weren't distracted by evil things, for the enemy knows that you have been converted from them. He drew you away by legitimate pleasures."
"Legitimate, but untimely, and immoderate"
"Correct. That was weakness, simple human weakness."
Father Elijah, Michael O'Brien

And what about this about the (post)modernist temptation:

"[...] he believes that religion and reason can be in conflict with each other and yet both be right."
"In other words, the concept that all divisions, and all distinctions, are ultimately illusions."
"Correct. And thus is formed a philosophy that posits unity above truth"
"Yet we too believe in unity."
"Ah, yes, but unity can be authentic only if it is founded upon truth.[...]"
Father Elijah, Michael O'Brien

Posted by Yann the Frenchman at 3:26 PM | TrackBack

Blogonyms

Following the advice of Tom at Disputations, I've adopted the following blog pseudonyms (blogonyms?) for our children:

Tom suggested looking up each child's birthday in a martyrology and adopting the coolest name from each date. Handy martyrologies are here (incomplete) and here.

Posted by Bill White at 1:51 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

To sleep or not to sleep...

Quoth TSO:

Frank Sinatra hated sleep and tried to get by on as little as he could. He thought of it as a mini-death.

Me 'n Frank - who'da thunk?

I realized just last week that practicing the virtues takes energy, and when I'm up after 3 hours of sleep or heading into my 25th hour awake, I don't have enough energy to behave - I'm an obnoxious short-tempered lout. O for good habits to carry me through sleeplessness with a cheerful smile on my face.

Posted by Bill White at 1:42 PM | TrackBack

May 4, 2004

Book Review

I haven't posted for quite a while, and I apologize if you visited the site, again, and again, and again, and saw that nothing had changed for a week or so. The trouble has been the "time factor".

Time does not belong to a neophyte father ... Some put a monetary value on it (i.e., work), some just take it because it's there to be taken (and they're right): the kids and spouse.

These days, I am reverting to my childhood years when I used to surreptitiously turn on my flashlight to read books when I should have been sleeping. Nowadays, once everybody is asleep (spouse included), I go hide in the study to enjoy making progress in the pile of books that has been accumulated. But no matter what, rainy or sunny days, weekdays or saturdays, the calling from the vast unfed will come at the same hour, regardless how late I read the previous night ...

Anyway, I did manage to finish Windswept House by Malachi Martin and I am plunging ahead in Father Elijah by Michael O'Brien.

Windswept House is a very interesting historical fiction (claimed to be 85% accurate) about the Church from 1958 through 1993. It has lots of details and, though written in the early 1990s, was prophetic about the Scandal hitting the Church in 2002. There are also numerous fascinating tidbits about post-V2 reorganization of bishops into national and regional conferences, and it offers great insights into the bureaucratic workings of the Vatican and of the Bishops Conferences. Fr. Martin died in 1996, and was obviously distraught about the aftermath of Vatican II and more than once, one can detect the author's partiality to some traditionalist theses (in particular in bemoaning the rapid disintegration of the Church following V2). It is a gripping but grim book.

Although Fr. Elijah starts with the same premise (the generalized apostasy of this age), it seems to offer a lot more hope. I am only at the beginning of the book, but I am already enthralled by it, and not least because of the enlightning reflections of the characters about personal and spiritual conduct. These observations run very true and I'll be posting a couple of them here later. A bientôt...

Posted by Yann the Frenchman at 12:49 PM | TrackBack