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April 28, 2004

Rick Strom and the Family Huddle

I got this today in my e-mail box from a friend of mine. Rick played in the NFL for a few different teams including the Lions and the Steelers. It's a pretty good article. I like the recommendations at the end for keeping your marriage fresh:
-Listen
-Overlook faults
-Voice affirmation
-Put effort into marriage
-Husbands should hang out with guys who love their wives
-Prayer every morning
-Frequent confession, at least once a month
-Yearly, separate, annual retreats
-Attend Mass together
-Family huddle and prayer
-Use NFP - there is a divorce rate of under 5% of couples who use this method

Posted by Tom at 11:15 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

April 26, 2004

Cheaper By The Dozen

My wife and I rented Cheaper By The Dozen with Steve Martin this last weekend. We had heard good things about it, and we wanted to see if it was something we could sit the family down in front of.

I do not recommend this movie for your family. It's fine for the parents, but not for the kids. While the movie was, overall, enjoyable, and at times hillarious, it was still very secular in it's view on certain moral issues.

There is a scene where the parents are discussing their oldest daughter and how she is living with her boyfriend. The dad isn't pleased about this, but the mom defends this as the daughter just trying to live her life. (Buzz: wrong answer) Not a good message for the kids.

After the family has had their 11th kids, the dad goes and gets a vasectomy. They explain that the procedure doesn't take effect right away which results in their 12 child. Vasectomy (Buzz: wrong answer.) Not a good message for your kids.

There is a scene where the oldest daughter and her boyfriend start making out on the sofa right in front of the parents. It is, in my view, a rather erotic scene. Not really good for the children nor the parents. Fast forward this or look away.

The kids are very sassy towards their parents. (Buzz: wrong answer.) Not a good message for the kids.

So, I think the list above is enough to scratch this off the family movie list.

There were definitely some positive messages in the movie. The Chicago neighbors only had 1 kid and were portrayed as being the odd balls rather than the family of 12 being odd. Cool message.

Living a simple life rather than going for the gusto was portrayed positively in this movie as both the husband and wife find that as their career ambitions begin to materialize, life gets very complicated. Cool message.

Please add your own comment regarding this movie.

Posted by Tom at 11:04 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

April 25, 2004

On Children and Losing The Faith

The greatest fear that I have above all things is losing my daughter to the culture. I pray earnestly daily that she will come to know and love Christ and His Church. We all know this is a desperate problem. We're all aware of the countless books, tape sets, radio shows, and conferences dealing with this topic. If you’re a catholic parent, and you haven’t worried about this, then you haven’t been paying attention. It's an epidemic. Personally, I don’t want to be one of those parents who has to call into Catholic Answers pleading for advice on winning back my son or daughter.

Now I know the number one thing that I can do is live a life of virtue, pray, attend mass faithfully, and accurately instruct my children in the faith. But what are some practical ways that I can set her spiritual cultivation in motion? What family traditions or special practices can I lead my family in, in order to make sure the faith is a part of our daily lives? Some families pray the rosary together daily. Some families participate in weekly family adoration. I've heard of many special devotions shared by families around the holidays every year.

I’m asking you readers, what you do as a family in order to share and strengthen the faith of your children?

Posted by Jayson Franklin at 5:34 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

April 24, 2004

Can't tell the players without a scorecard

Howdy gentlemen! I've added a section to the sidebar "Who We Are", intended for short introductions in the style of Santificarnos. If you know how to edit an MT template please add a bit about yourself, or you can mail your bit to me at billw@mchsi.com and I'll add it to the template..

Posted by Bill White at 9:09 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Dad's Pancakes

Or, as I modestly call them, Perfect Pancakes. I do a lot of the cooking at home, and to find recipes I do google searches like this:

group:rec.food.recipes "green beans" rice

which leads naturally to...

group:rec.food.recipes "rice pilaf"

So that's how I found this recipe for pancakes made from scratch:

From Betty Crocker. Fool proof-- I use them all the time. If desired, double the batch and either refrigerate the batter for up to two days for fresh pancakes any time, or cook it all up and refrigerate or freeze leftovers, then pop in the toaster or just microwave for 15-20 seconds each pancake.

"Pancakes are easy to personalize. Simply stir in 1/2 cup fresh or frozen (thawed and drained) berries or chopped fruit-- bananas, apples, peaches or pears. Serve with syrup, honey, jelly, or jam to complement the fruit flavors. For crunch, you can stir in trail mix, granola or chopped nuts." Also a variety of sweet spices may be added, cinnamon, nutmeg, or extracts or do as I do, and stir in extra sugar and some cocoa powder to taste.

Pancakes

1 egg
1 cup all-purpose flour (If using self-rising flour, omit baking powder and
salt)
3/4 cup milk
1 tablespoon granulated or packed brown sugar=20
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
3 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
margarine, butter, or shortening (for pan)

Beat egg with hand beater in medium bowl until fluffy. Beat in remaining
ingredients except margarine just until smooth. For thinner pancakes stir in an
additional 1 to 2 tablespoons milk (left alone, this recipe yields nice fat
fluffy pancakes). Heat griddle or skillet over medium heat or to 375*. Grease
griddle with margarine if necessary. (To test griddle, sprinkle with a few drops
of water. If bubbles skitter around, heat is just right.)
For each pancake, pour scant 1/4 cup batter onto hot griddle. Cook pancakes
until puffed and dry around edges. Turn and cook other sides until golden brown.
(Approx 100 calories per pancake)

Nowadays I triple this recipe and refrigerate the leftovers for a quick and easy breakfast later in the week. Even the baby loves these, and they make easy snacks through the day.

Sometimes I substitute buttermilk for milk, 1:1, and I like to toss in a couple of extra tablespoons of brown sugar. Use some real butter and maple syrup with these and you have a nearly-authentic pioneer breakfast, which makes a handy peg on which to hang a history discussion with the kids.

Posted by Bill White at 6:29 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 22, 2004

Battle of Titans: Self-Sacrifice vs Self-Actualization

Continuing on the quest to "unify the theory of fatherhood", as Bill White greatly put in a comment to yesterday's post, here are some additional considerations (warning long post!):

Fatherhood entails several roles, among them being a provider to the family (I'll try to address other roles in subsequent posts). This ties back to the underlying theme of previous post(s), which is the battle between self-sacrifice and self-actualization (other terms for the latter include self-fulfilment or self-realization ...)

I would argue that this inner battle is more intensely felt by practicing catholic men born about 1965 and on. I would also venture that the questions that were raised by the feminist movement about women being confined in occupations traditionally fostered by society, did find an echo among men as well: if women could eschew their conventional roles to do other things that made them feel more fulfilled, couldn't the same principle apply as well for men?

Today's society recognizes a brilliant career, significant earnings, etc. as material evidence for accomplishment. There are no such society-recognized tangibles (i.e., having numerous kids, an obvious tangible, is actually looked down by society) to show a person's accomplishment through family care. Furthermore, raising a family appears to be at odds with the aforementioned career and earnings.

So self-fulfilment for men had to remain in the job market because of its inherent peer recognition. The loyalty of our father or grandfather to only one company throughout their work life (as a mean to bring the bacon home) has transformed into company hopping in our generation. The underlying assumption being that if the job does not satisfy you, you will not be motivated enough to apply yourself more fully to your job, which would mean a potential loss of profit for the company. Better that one be happy at work for one's emotions and for the company's profit, so goes the assumption for the pursuit of happiness ...

This is particularly strong in a country that was based and continues to value individualism. Freedom to choose rings loud for the majority of Americans ... So how do you square that with Christ's teachings on carrying your own cross, self-effacing so God can fulfill you, etc.?

At the same time, one cannot ignore the demands of today's rat race. It requires substantial amounts of money to afford housing and education for the kids. This in turn traps parents to become dual earners for the sake of reasonable quality of life for their children. However, this means that time spent with the kids (and spouse!), which is is a true indicator of a solid family, is minimal. To compensate this loss, one goes into giving a lot of stuff and is lenient in discipline (since you wouldn't want to have this precious remaining time being marred by unpleasantness for everyone, etc.). And so it goes into a negative spiral ...

Practicing Catholics have to make a radical choice (e.g., homeschooling) of being in the world and not of the world, at the risk of being mocked and called crazy. But the attachment to the world is strong, and one still hopes for a balance that does not fully require that our "yes to be yes, and no to be no". I think at heart of this problem, is a possible lack of trust that God will provide everything we need (happiness and joy included). This is especially true for people needing to have things under control for fear that the whole structure will crumble (that description unfortunately fits me to a "T" ...)

Society has become so secularist that it is harder to choose the "narrow path", since support for following it keeps declining. The jump seems more costly than it might have been for previous generations, for society seems to have cut itself from its christian roots, and has become structured in a way that makes difficult to resist the sirens of self-fulfilment.

This self-fulfilment quest probably started with the Serpent suggesting to Adam and Eve to eat the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil ... But God keeps His Covenant(s), and even in the desert of our lives (i.e., if we fully take the choice of carrying one's cross) we will receive manna from the Lord. Keep trust in the Lord for "if God so clothes the grass which is alive in the field today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O men of little faith!" (Luke 12, 28)

Even though the sirens of self-actualization may make a convincing case that finding joy would further motivate you and fully enjoy this life on Earth, let us keep strong in our decision to follow the Lord. Joy and fulfilment are like the manna: if you're looking for it, you will not find it; if you're hoarding it, it will turn to ash in your mouth ...

In the end, if one does see our work as just being a provider for the family, then one avoids the angst of wondering if this was the right career for self-fulfilment. In all this let us remember to remain joyous and confident disciples. There is a saying in French: "un saint triste est un triste saint" (a saint who is sad is a sad (i.e., not great) saint). Although joy is implied to come through self-realization, if we truly forget this quest and we follow God's commands, we will receive a joyous certitude about the path chosen in our life.

Posted by Yann the Frenchman at 9:59 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

April 21, 2004

Self-Sacrifice and Workplace

Steve Bogner commented in the previous post about a manly Church and mentioned an article from Godspy, in which the author explains how self-sacrifice actually sums up the virile (and virtuous -- same latin root) qualities needed to be a man. These values that we recognize in heroes also include courage, honor, compassion, etc. The ultimate Man, being of course the Son of Man, who, though completely innocent, self-sacrifices to save the entire humanity ...

Embracing everyday our vocation as fathers is one way to apply self-sacrifice that transcends our ego for the betterment of our loved ones (see one of Bill White's earlier post ...). As a Christian father we even ought to go beyond our loved ones and do the same for people we do not necessarily love (and that's tough!), though remembering that our priority remains with the family (this is our first duty).

One understandable temptation for us men (at least for me) is to gauge the effectiveness of our self-sacrifice. In particular, going to a white collar job (where you're supposed to use only your brain cells to write reports, assess research, find new clients, ensure that your workhours are billable [lawyers and consultants], etc.) is immensely frustrating for me because the effectiveness of that self-sacrifice seems so removed from its intent (and besides, activating my brain seems to require a lot more efforts than performing actual physical work) ...

Sure, working provides the paycheck, which provides the bacon, which provides help for the family, but I am much more inspired by household chores because I see their direct impact on the household, ergo the family. On the other hand, a more mystic approach is to consider those efforts at work (mild suffering) in the intent of our vocation and thus as contributing to the Church's "reservoir" of Graces (I am venturing a theological thought here, and I won't mind if readers would want to correct it ...)

These days, I dislike very very much going to my job (understatement) because 1) I am away from the family and therefore of any direct contribution I could make for them; 2) the work activities entailed in my current job are far from inspiring; and 3) the resulting frustration experienced as a binary mode of depression and stress (further exarcebated by guilty procrastination from blogging or reading blogs for example ...) gets carried over when I get home ...

I guess, it's just a question of "just doing it", but it is easier to do it if you know that your efforts will bring out something effective or tangible like yardwork say ... When tasks are fuzzy yet the expected results from your efforts are going to be nonetheless fully scrutinized and criticized, you're not exactly inspired to fully apply yourself to the tasks at hand.

So do you just take the situation as it presents itself everyday and make the best of it (i.e., keeping a positive attitude regardless), or do you try to change it so that your efforts are more effective to your calling as a father (the latter may mean looking for a different career, etc.)? Where is one's duty? Is it important that self-sacrifice be effective in our eyes (or is that receiving our reward already)? Should we be just content to know that efforts made towards accomplishing the day as it presents itself serve nonetheless a mystic purpose (e.g., "reservoir" of Graces for the Church), even if they appear remote in their direct contribution to our vocation?

Posted by Yann the Frenchman at 9:26 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

April 20, 2004

A Manly Church ...

Amy Welborn has an interesting post about an article on manly religion, especially how to attract christian men in what feels a lot like a feminized Church. Although I have some quibbles about some of the ideas the article brings forth, I have to agree that a little manliness would not hurt. However, I think that the real manliness should not so much come from an Iron John mentality, but rather as the full accomplishment of our vocation as fathers.

Fatherhood entails transmitting essential values from generations to generations. These values need to be encouraged, strengthened, enlightened, appreciated, etc. basically by applying the seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit (Wisdom, Understanding, Counsel, Fortitude, Knowledge, Piety, Fear of the Lord). Sorry, I don't have my Bible with me at this blogging instant, but it is in one of Paul's letters (and I would encourage you to read about these gifts, and meditate on how you can manifest them everyday as a father ).

One thing that seems to be more particular to men than women (OK, this is probably an unjust sweeping generalization, so please forgive me if some feathers are ruffled: I am just trying to make a quick point about men) is the need to act (e.g., trying to solve the problem your wife has talked to you about, etc.). Well, in the same vein, part of being a manly christian, would be to stop thinking about getting involved, and actually to "just do it". Do get involved in your parish and start a Men's group, which could meet for weekly Bible studies, organize conferences with topics for men, have father-son outings, set up monthly/quarterly prayer breakfasts, etc. Here is a link to give you ideas, but it's not the only one out there.

Posted by Yann the Frenchman at 12:00 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

April 18, 2004

The Blogfrau

My lovely wife Lisa is blogging again!

Posted by Bill White at 9:00 PM | TrackBack

Why is it important to show your work?

I had an amusing occurrence yesterday while helping my son with his math. One thing that I've been trying to teach him is neatness. So, I've taught him to work out his math problems on a separate sheet of paper, then when he's satisfied that he has the right answer, transfer his work to his math workbook.

I noticed that after he would get his problem worked out, he would only transfer the answer to the workbook and not the work he did to get it. So I told him to move his work and his answer to the workbook. I then asked him why he thinks it's important for him to show his work? I was hoping that he would understand that if his teacher can see what is going on in his mind, then it will be easier for her to help him with areas that he is weak in.

Anyway, what was my son's answer to the question, "Why is it important to show your work?"

"To show that I'm a good kid."

LOL!!!

Posted by Tom at 7:02 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Quotidian forecast

I'm reading Kathleen Norris's The Quotidian Mysteries and it's eminently bloggable, so I predict you'll see some posts about it here in the coming days.

My wife Lisa has been on bedrest for a total of about a year through 5 pregnancies, and during each of those periods I did it all - cooking, cleaning (sort of), diapers, baths, care of an occasional semi-invalid, head 'em up and move 'em out to doctor's appointments, all while maintaining a job with the best employer on Earth (who is hiring, by the way). It's all this daily drudge work that Mrs. Norris calls the "quotidian mysteries." So far she has produced an insighful analysis of acedia as it attacks those who do household work, referring first to the Desert Fathers and Evagrius Ponticus and bringing their wisdom to our situation with fruitful insight.

What's your experience with "women's work"?

Posted by Bill White at 3:19 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

April 15, 2004

St-Ex and the Little Prince

I somewhat disagree with Amy Welborn's take on St Exupery. Probably because of my French background, but also because I was read the Petit Prince when I was small and I enjoyed it then (and later on my own), as my 2.5-year old seems to enjoy it also.

I don't think that kids need full understanding (cognition) to intuit the underlying truths that are disclosed through poetic images. Too often I see the tendency of some to stoop down to the child's cognitive level to share a great story. I think this is sad and belies their faculty to grasp the meaning of the story. When I read C.S. Lewis "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" or Bible stories to T. (the 2.5-yr old), he follows what is going on, even if he is not able to express it.

Now regarding St-Ex, I read all his books (including "Citadelle", which recaps his life philosophy). When reading the Petit Prince, one realizes how much his themes were repeated throughout his books, and how deeply Christian his books thirst for God (even if he personally veered off the Faith for a while). Such books would be "Pilote de Guerre" [I think "Flight over Arras" is the title fo the translation], in which you could replace "Homme" [Man] by "Christ" and be amazed by the theology behind it).

It is a manly literature, with a strong conception of what it takes to be a leader and the many, many responsibilities it entails. Responsibility, tradition, sacrifice, immanence, purpose, are all addressed in St-Ex's books in profound terms (and especially so in the Petit Prince, where the "allumeur de reverberes" has found meaning in his life by following his call for duty ...). I find it to be an excellent (and of course not the only one) guide to fatherhood.

Reading St-Ex can be demanding at times because of his poetic philosophy (which may appear at times more stoic than Christian) or his concept of romantic love, but it is full of gems. If you're looking for a book that shows transmission of values from generations to the next ones and that underlines the principle of one's responsibility towards weaker ones (i.e., a strong departure from basic individualism), then St-Ex's literature is for you.

Posted by Yann the Frenchman at 1:55 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

April 14, 2004

Rosary Comic Book


I found this today thanks to the Rosary Army web site. If you want to see a sample of the comic book, go to the Rosary Army web site and scroll down to the April 11th entry. There aren't any permalinks.

You can purchase the comic book from The Daughters of St. Paul.

Posted by Tom at 4:04 PM | TrackBack

April 13, 2004

This didn't work.

We had to drive back home to the Chicagoland area from Michigan on Sunday. I thought up a "brilliant" idea to help the kids settle down for the trip so that they wouldn't drive my wife and I up the wall. I gave them 10 minutes to act as crazy as they wanted to. They had to keep their hands to themselves and they couldn't throw anything.

They really started getting goofy during that first 10 minutes of the trip. It was funny. Then the 10 minutes were up and I told them that it was time to quiet down.

Ok, the thought here was that they could take 10 minutes and "get it all out", then they would be settled for the trip, right? WRONG!!! That 10 minutes just got them all wound up and they had a hard time calming down when the time came. Oy yoy yoy. I ended up having to implement the "absolutely no talking" rule with a "Do you really want me to pull over?" thrown in for good measure.
LOL!!! Of course, they were allowed to talk later once they calmed down.

Lesson learned: don't play with fire. :-)

Posted by Tom at 12:07 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Puritan Family Life

Yes, I read widely, perhaps too widely. But the Puritans were spectacular advice givers, and sometimes we might do well to heed them. See here for an example of what I'm talking about.

Posted by Steven Riddle at 7:47 AM | TrackBack

Passion of The Easter Bunny

Dear Guys:

I like to have fun with the news. One news item from last week caught my eye, maybe you read it too.

News Item: Last week, at an Assembly of God church in Pennsylvania, the church youth minister decided to give kids a lesson on the true meaning of Easter by staging an Easter Play, featuring the Easter Bunny. To the surprise of the young guests, the play involved older kids shouting "There is no Easter Bunny," then they proceeded to flog the guy in the easter bunny suit and stomp on easter eggs. Kids in attendance began to cry, and adults in attendance found it "quite disturbing." When questioned about the appropriateness of the play afterwards, the youth minister was clueless why anyone would not appreciate her work.

That said, I tried to re-create in my mind how one might put together such a play, and I came up with "Easter Bunny-The Born Again Musical"

Such a play should begin with a joyous song:

"We're floggin Peter Cottontail
Draggin' him down the bunny trail
Hippity-Hoppity throw him out of town.
We're breakin' both his little legs
So he won't bring no Easter Eggs,
Hippity-Hoppity bring that bunny down!"

Youth minister: "Hey kids, what time is it?"

kids: "It's time to kill the Easter Bunny!"

Youth minister: "That right, kids. String him up!"

At this point, the little ones all take part in the communal attacking of the Easter Bunny, and when the frisky frenzy subsides, our bunny is suspended like a pinata a short distance above the crowd. Each child is given a "bunny bat" made of that same gopher wood that they read about in Genesis last week.

Youth minister: "Well, kids, do you know why we need to kill the Easter Bunny?"

Kid #1: "Because he doesn't have Jesus in his heart."

Youth minister: "That's right. He's taking the focus off our Lord's special day and making it into a celebration. He's candy-fying your teeth, and that's a sin. So what do we do when the Easter Bunny candy-fies your teeth?"

Kid #2: "Brush?"

Youth minister: "No kids. We're talkin' sin. Sin is bad, and sin demands atonement--a sacrifice. We'll sacrifice the Easter Bunny. How should we do it?

Crowd of kids: "Pinata him! Pinata him!"

Youth Minister: "Well, if you insist. But first, I must wash my hands. I so detest touching children--they're so dirty."

Kids begin whacking away at the suspended Easter Bunny with their bunny-bats.

Cynical kid #1: "If you are the real Easter Bunny, make candy fall out!"

The bunny gets whacked, his suit rips and lots of candy falls out.

Converted cynical kid: "Surely this was the REAL Easter Bunny."

THE END

Now, I don't write this to be irreverent or anti-Assemby of God, but really--how can you put together a youth play about Easter that features the scourging and murder of the Easter Bunny?

My youngest one, 8 year old Eva, figured out who the Easter Bunny was this year, despite my pointing to circumstantial evidence to the contrary--half-eaten carrots after the delivery of the candy, and my own lack of a white, puffy tail, and my inability to hop in any meaningful fashion.

I am going to miss the bunny around here.

Allen Browning

Posted by Allen Browning at 4:32 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Sam

Hi Guys:

I posted this letter last week as a reply to another post, as I could not figure out how to post a new letter. Richard showed me how, so here goes.

It's good to be reading posts from committed dads again. I have been working with committed people this last month, but then, I am a lawyer and these committed people are insane criminals. I do prefer interaction with committed Catholic dads, who are not in mental institutions.

My old buddy Richard Chonak put me onto this list and suggested I post something. So, by way of introduction, I thought I would post something about one of my six children, Sam.

Sam is 19. In elementary school, he had severe learning disabilities. When we realized in the third grade he could not read at all, we pulled him out of parochial school and tried home schooling. We actually tried homeschooling all three of our school age children. It didn't work for Sam.

By the sixth grade, despite long hours of homeschooling with my wife as chief teacher, he still wasn't getting it. Testing that year disclosed he was dyslexic, suffered from non-hyperactive attention-deficit disorder, had an immature brain (was developmentally about 2 years behind his age group) and processed information at 1/2 the speed of the average student. We were in over out heads trying to homeschool Sam.

We then put all our kids in public school, and got Sam special help for his disabilities. With medication and assistance in school, he began to learn to read in the 6th grade.

Even with special help in junior high and thereafter, we had to give Sam extra help with homework, and had to constantly inform his teachers that he suffered real and serious disabilities. Every mid-term, we received reports from one or more teachers that Sam was failing, and we would have to remind the teachers that Sam was supposed to be getting special assistance because of his learning disorders. By the end of the quarter, things would be worked out, then the cycle would repeat itself. I hoped that some day, Sam would be able to get through all this and find a niche, something he could do, and some way to support himself.

To make matters worse, in the 8th grade, Sam was attacked by a local group of gang-wannabes; after Sam came back from the hospital, I decided it was time for him to learn how to fight to defend himself. I enrolled the family in karate classes.

To make a long story not quite so long, Sam finally graduated from high school--by his senior year, he became motivated to be a soldier. He was a competitive karate fighter, went to the state championships in swimming (his first year in the sport), and he started applying himself in school. He studied for the Army entrance exam, and passed with a high score. Despite leg problems that kept him off the track team, I helped him train for the running he would do in boot camp. He went to boot camp, and when his legs hurt, he ran anyway and refused to quit. I traveled to Ft. Knox, Kentucky, to see him graduate from boot camp in the honors platoon.

Now, at age 19, he's entering his third year in the Army reserve, and is ready to become a sergeant. He's enrolled in a business administration program in college--to learn how to lead men. In less than 2 years, unless he is deployed to Iraq (he has volunteered to serve in Iraq twice, but the Lord put obstacles in his way that kept him here), he will graduate from college with his bachelor's degree, and enter the Army full time to be, he hopes, a combat officer with the Rangers.

I can't express how this all makes me feel. Worried? Yes. Proud? Absolutely. Moslem extremists want to kill us, and Sam has put on the uniform to stop them, at the risk of his own life.

While he used to look up at me, and perhaps see things he hoped to be someday, I look at him now and see a young man who had to overcome barriers I never faced; a young man with more purpose than I ever had, and a young man with more guts than I ever had. I watch him with great admiration.

Some ten American soldiers were killed in Iraq last week. That news hurt, but another ten soldiers, like Sam, will take their place and affirm the American solders' mantra: "These colors never run."

Allen Browning

Posted by Allen Browning at 3:28 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

What to read to the kids?

Gentlemen: some random late-night notes and questions on reading to the kids.

There's so much to choose from I'm at a loss. Daily Mass readings? George MacDonald's The Princess and the Goblin, reportedly a big influence on GKC and JRRT? Psalms? (which translation?)

First I'm looking for exemplary English usage; then, correspondence to reality (JRRT Yea, Harry Potter Nay); then, perhaps, even theological illumination. The best theology conveyed in a style that is deaf to the rhythms and sounds of English (rather like my style, come to think of it) is worse than useless.

We recently bought The Jesus Garden by Antoinette Bosco, and her English prose is truly food for the soul. Never a false step, never an awkward bump to trip over; solid delightful comforting rhythms and harmonious sounds are trailed through each sentence like a golden thread, and she's not just playing with words. This is orthodox stuff with emotional impact. She's good.

More, please. Any suggestions?

Posted by Bill White at 12:14 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

April 12, 2004

Drafting Men of Faith

I just finished "how to win the culture war" by Peter Kreeft. What a great book! A manly wake-up call that defines the battle lines and how to get there by being a saint: that is not by being "nice", but to actually love. This should be required reading for all Christian fathers in this new millenium ...

There is however a question that I can't seem to get resolved: the issue of physical energy. Let me explain: I think Peter Kreeft makes a lot of sense in his last chapter when he describes that steps to sainthood requires to surrender to the Father's will by by looking Him full in the face and then to "just do it". We must ignore the "gnats" that distract us from the choice of turning our face to His (with the caveat to beware of the biggest gnat, which is pride).

This makes a lot of sense, but how do you do it when you're physically tired (which often means also intellectually tired) and that your will is weak? Jesus rebukes his disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane for not staying awake and pray with him, but I sympathize with Peter and the other Apostles: I can't go on with lack of sleep for too long before I am collapsing.

How does one reconcile that with the demand of choosing to turn our face to God at all times and to then "just do it"? Where's the line, where's the extra mile, or how did the Good Samaritan know how far to help? If you're fully giving yourself to something, isn't there the risk of deserting your duty (i.e., being present to your family early, or being efficacious in your work because you got enough sleep, etc.) ? The problem can often be reduced to choosing between two goods (and one is the greater, but it takes discernment to determine which, and when I am weary I know that my intellect and will have long deserted me ...)

Does one receive the grace of not being tired when you look the Father in the face? Would it be similar to the feelings you experience when you're "in the zone", and you become oblivious of your body's needs (e.g., hunger, etc.)? How long would this last? Is it a question of focusing on just the day itself and not worry about tomorrow? It's difficult to balance that with the responsibility of fatherhood

Posted by Yann the Frenchman at 9:46 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

April 10, 2004

Who is yer Santa?

I don't know how many of you are familiar with Myers-Briggs character typology, but my wife is very E(xtravert) and I border a lot more on (I)ntrovert. This makes for some interesting interactions that will probably be posted here some day. Anyway, my beloved being a very strong E (she went 11 on a scale from 1 to 10) has a hard time staying home all day with the kiddos (in other words, she needs to somehow interact with another human being outside of these four confining walls). Consequently, we found a "Mothers Morning Out" (twice a week for three hours) close by and managed by a local methodist church (would the local catholic parish have something similar? Noooooo, but that will be the subject of another post on involvement in the Church ...). Son No. 1 is very happy there and loves hanging out with the other 2- to 3-year old dudes and dudettes...

One day, Son No. 1 and I were sawing some logs in the backyard (the result of Hurricane Isabel on our tall [80 ft] pecan tree ) ... That is, I was sawing some logs and Son No. 1 was checking the length with a measuring tape (he loves tools and the more real they are (i.e., like papa's) the happier he is), when out of the blue I hear: "Papa, when Santa give me big presssents?" I say nothing for 2 seconds (hey you gotta admire my quick thinking at being quiet!) but my brain wheels are spinning:Wait a minute, the lad just mentioned the guy in the red suit and we never even mentioned his name at home, where did he pick this up? So I say: "Santa? Who is Santa? Now, you know you're getting presents for your birthday and for Christmas. And we're giving presents to each other at Chirstmas because Jesus loves us and we love Jesus. Santa does not exist!"

The little guy looks at me with a quizzical look, says nothing for a while, and sort of nods. "phew!", I think, "that didn't go too bad for the first cultural skirmish ..." Until I mention the incident to my sweet Extravert. "but Yann" she says a bit crossly "Remember, 'we' had decided to say that Santa Claus was OK" (and guys, you gotta admire sometime how the memory of our wives works); "Ah shucks, I wanted this guy out altogether from this household" I reply. Well, it turns out that Son No. 1 picked up the concept and the name while watching a video at this "Mother's Morning Out" ...

So here is the deal: on one hand you have contender Yann (me) who says "fi with this materialism, let's teach the truth, death to the white-bearded guy in red, to give in is to open the door to a toxic culture that we may be not be able to vanquish once it is tolerated at home, etc."; and on the other hand you have contender Mary (my wife) who says "let's be realistic: a lot of kids grow up with Santa Claus and they don't turn out with materialism foaming at their mouth. You have to be in the world too, and I want our kids to be able to interact with other kids and not appear as religious freaks ...". So two visions, and only one must win! (no, not really but I thought it sounded better this way).

Well friends, what to do about the pervasiveness of this example of the surrounding materialistic culture ? Are we somewhat immune to it in the long run (i.e., we don't need to make a strong stand; if we just stick to the essentials it will be all right, etc.)? Or is it a line in the sand?

In the end, Mary and I agreed to speak to Son No.1 about St Nicolas and how he is a saint protecting the children, and how because of St Nicolas' (and ours) love for Jesus kids receive presents for Christmas (at least that's what I remembered from the conversation ...). Quid dicitis fratres?

Posted by Yann the Frenchman at 1:14 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Posting Categories

Fatherhood is a complex subject, and as you all know in this day and world we need to be able to wear several caps. So I am thinking of organizing my next posts along the following categories:

- "The Cultural Warrior" (e.g., TV, Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny)
- "THe Handy (Family) Man" (e.g., How to replace your gas water heater when your basement is getting flooded, etc.)
- "An Emmaus Experience" (i.e., "Were not our hearts burning while He spoke to us on the way and opened the scriptures to us?" Lk 24,32)
- "Dr. Father and Mr. Husband" (i.e., not only you got to be "Da Man" for your children, but you can't forget being Mr. Lover to your "bone of the bone and flesh of the flesh")

I am sure some other categories will creep up along the way, as we go deeper in exploring the multiple roles fatherhood entails.

Posted by Yann the Frenchman at 10:39 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 9, 2004

Newbie

Bill and Tom are light years ahead of me in terms of "father" knowledge, and so I will probably be voicing questions, dilemmas, and parenting frustrations that are more in line with new fathers...

I am the father of two sons (2.5 years and 5 months), and live in southeastern Virginia. Here is a list of topics that I will like to share with the kind reader(s?)over the next posts, including raising bilingual kids (I am French, my charming beautiful wife is American), natural birth, NFP, church attendance with a "spirited" toddler, self-restraint (when it is 3:30 am and your 5-month old has been crying loudly for the umpteenth time in the night and yet refuses to eat, isn't appeased with rocking, and diaper does not need to be changed, and no teething, and ... basically you think this is a mere ploy to test the physical and emotional resistance of his parents -- at least you're thankful the other one astoundlingly slept through it ...), etc.

So check the blog over the next few days ...

Posted by Yann the Frenchman at 11:35 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

April 8, 2004

How we overcame a behavior difficulty with my youngest son.

Our youngest son is a very gentle, and loving kid. Everyone who meets him falls in love with him. I'm not exaggerating here. We hear all the time about how he has stolen someone's heart. Yet, this same gentle, loving kid has his moments where he is an absolute monster. There are times when he just, for whatever reason, draws a line in the sand, and decides he's not moving or doing anything or complying with us for any reason whatsoever. I can't tell you how many times my wife has called me in tears, as I was on my way to work to tell me that Bobby (not his real name - sorry, I'm big on anonymity on the internet especially when my family is involved) is throwing another fit, and she's not going to be able to get him to school on time.

One time he threw one of these fits in our van on the way to school. I'm glad this happened because the teacher came out to help coax him out which he did right away when he saw her. I'm glad that she got to see, firsthand, why he's late sometimes.

Anyway, this went on and on for a couple of years. We talked to Priests and other parents about this. It was so frustrating because it was difficult to describe why this was happening. Discipline seemed to have no effect on him whatsoever. Finally a Priest told us to pay attention to the little things and see if there is a pattern. Of course, we had been looking for a pattern, but hearing this made us decide to give it an extra effort. Also, he told us to outsmart him. Think ahead and figure out ways to stymie this behavior before it happens.

Bobby is very competitive. He doesn't like to lose and losing can also set him into one of his fits. So, phase 1 for us was to put this competitive nature to work for us. We set up a game in the morning that would reward with candy the first person downstairs, dressed, teeth brushed, shoes on, and overall ready to go to school. Then, we told our other kids to intentionally let Bobby win. Maybe try to win occasionally so that it's not obvious, but overall, let him win almost all of the time. They understood since they have seen how difficult the situation can be for my wife and I. Well, let me tell you, Bobby was the first one down, ready and raring to go. It was like magic.

Yet, I started to feel guilty. I would see the little lad race to be the first one down, all happy that he won. I felt bad because it was just a ruse, and I started to feel like I was lying to the kid. Now, the Priest that recommended outsmarting Bobby never told us to lie to him. As it turned out, the situation remedied itself because the other kids forgot about letting Bobby win all the time. After a few days, they forgot that it was just a ploy and were really trying to win. He still won a lot, and he was fine when he didn't win. This tactic helped, but didn't eliminate the problem.

Then, as time went on we did notice a pattern for when Bobby would throw one of his fits. His fits were usually in the morning before school. Now, I'm sure some of you reading this are probably going to say "duh" to this, but it started to dawn on us that these fits usually occurred when Bobby hadn't gotten enough sleep. I'm not sure why this didn't dawn on us sooner other than the fact that he didn't always throw fits, and sometimes his fits were at other times than the morning before school. Also, he was getting 8 to 8 1/2 hours of sleep a night. But we began to notice that anytime he got to bed after 9 pm, that's when the fits usually would occur.

So, we implemented phase 2 which involved 2 steps. First, Bobby gets to bed at 8 pm nightly as a rule with 8:30 being the absolute cutoff: drop everything, even if prayers have to be quick, and get the kid to bed.

Second, I implemented what I call a snooze wakeup. You know when your alarm goes off in the morning and you hit the snooze button for another 9 minutes of sleep? Well, I turn on the bedroom light in our kids rooms and wake them up. I say, "this is your snooze wakeup", and I make sure they acknowledge me. I then go back in 10 minutes later for the "real" wakeup.

The results? Bobby's fits are GONE!!! I don't mean diminished, I mean GONE. Praise God!!! It may have been a combination of the steps above and him maturing, but I'll bet that if he gets to bed after 9, we will have a fit on our hands the next morning.

God bless you!!!

Posted by Tom at 2:10 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 6, 2004

Homemade baby wipes

We've been making these for almost 8 years now since a friend gave us the recipe and original supplies at a baby shower.

You'll need:

Cut the Rollo Grande in half so you have two narrow rolls. I used to use an electric knife for this, but since we moved and it's packed away somewhere, I've found that a big ol' sharp kitchen knife will do just as well. Lots of sawing.

Then remove the cardboard center from each half-roll. I stick the knife into the center of each roll and slice a long cut through the cardboard and pick it out. Now that I think of it, you might wait to remove the cardboard till you're done and the roll is wet.

In the Tupperware container, mix 2 cups (2 8-oz baby bottles) of hot water, 2 tablespoons of baby bath and 1 tablespoon of baby oil. You will forget these proportions, so remember that the stuff that does the cleaning - water and baby bath - gets two helpings; the other stuff gets one.

Plop one of the Rollo-Not-So-Grande-Anymores into the container, put the lid on, and store upside-down for at least 15 minutes or until the roll is thoroughly wet.

To use, pull the roll from the middle where the cardboard used to be and tear off sheets. I also like to fold them in half for extra strength before getting down to business.

If you're in the middle of a poopfest - gastroenteritis or something - you might try fiddling with the proportions of water and baby bath to get something even more effective for the particular type of poop you're dealing with.

Posted by Bill White at 7:58 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

April 5, 2004

How to make palm crosses

These are a big hit with our kids. From an old mailing list archive:

"As far as I can tell, the palm should be "fresh," meaning that you probably
should do this when you get home from church on Palm Sunday. Pat and I
debated whether crosses could be made with palms a few days old (and drying)
and soaked in water to limber them up. Anyway ...

Split the palm lengthway. Typically the palm is "hinged." Split it at the
hinge. You should have two long slender palms. Take one.

About one fifth up from the broad end (the bottom), fold down. Take the
longer of the halves and fold up and to the right about a third from the first
fold (now the top). With this second fold, you are forming part of the
crossbeam.

You are now going to make the third fold, and thus the length of the crossbeam
to the right. Find a point on the palm facing away from the cross (from that
second fold) that is about the same distance from the center of the cross as
is the top part of it. Fold to bring the palm back toward the cross and
forming the crossbeam.

For the fourth fold, again, find a point on the left half of the crossbeam
equal in distance from the center of the cross as the right side. Fold to
bring the palm back to the body of the cross, completing the crossbeam. The
cross itself is finished, but it won't hold without completing the finishing
work.

Take the remaining palm and fold up and to the right, folding over that
corner. What you are going to do is wrap the remaining palm around from the
top corner, over the front and to the bottom opposite corner. Bring it up the
back, to the upper right corner again and repeat. As you bring the remaining
palm back around, bring it horizontally across the back. As you bring the
palm back toward the front again, bring it across the front to the opposite
corner and around to the back. The front should almost like draped cloths
criss-crossing the cross.

Should should have a couple inches of very thining palm remaining. Take the
remaining palm and thread it in and around the layers in the back (much like
taking thread and weaving it in and out of itself when sewing, to finish it
off.). Flatten it out, take any kiltering out of the cross and you should
have the finished product.

I hope these instructions made sense. I'm a communicator by trade, but I am
very accustomed to having visual aids present!

Posted by Bill White at 6:12 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 3, 2004

"...we must sacrifice ourselves to God..."

It's notions like this one found in today's Office of Readings that help get me through the day as a father; such things help me to get up off my lazy butt and do what needs to be done for "the least of His brethren."

[...] We are not required to sacrifice young bulls or rams, beasts with horns and hoofs that are more dead than alive and devoid of feeling; but instead, let us join the choirs of angels in offering God upon his heavenly altar a sacrifice of praise. We must now pass through the first veil and approach the second, turning our eyes toward the Holy of Holies. I will say more: we must sacrifice ourselves to God, each day and in everything we do, accepting all that happens to us for the sake of the Word, imitating his passion by our sufferings, and honoring his blood by shedding our own. We must be ready to be crucified.--from a homily by Saint Gregory Nazianzen, bishop

Posted by Bill White at 6:53 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Off to the Shedd Aquarium and Family Meeting

My wife and I are taking the kids to the Shedd Aquarium today. The drive will be about an hour each way. We're going to have our weekly family meeting in the van on the way out. My wife and I started this meeting a few weeks ago because we both sensed that Christ was, little by little, moving out of the center of focus for our family.

I've been very busy until just recently, and I'm often getting home late. This means that family prayers end up getting prayed in a hurry. We felt that our family prayer time was also becoming too routine with the same intentions every night always ending with an Our Father, Haily Mary, and Glory be. We feel that the kids are getting very bored with this and that prayer may becoming a burden to them.

Now, I'm not saying that prayer should be entertaining; that we should bring in Bozo the clown to entertain us while praying. Rather, we decided to turn up the intensity. Rather than sitting while praying, we are now kneeling. We are also making more frequent use of quiet prayer. Sometimes the kids don't understand this, so I just explain to them that prayer isn't always talking, talking, talking. Sometimes we have to be quiet and just listen. We're also trying to introduce other prayers and devotions.

So far so good, but I believe constant vigilence must be kept lest the family faith life fades. The weekly meetings are very helpful. The kids like to contribute to the discussion, and it's also a time for our family to visit.

God bless you!!!

Posted by Tom at 10:58 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

April 2, 2004

Gloria in excelsis Deo!

We just found out this morning that my wife is pregnant! The estimated due date is Sunday December 5, 2004, the feast day of many saints and martyrs. May they and you, dear Lector, remember us in prayer.

By way of introduction, here are some family photos.

Posted by Bill White at 12:06 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

Please keep my newborn son in your prayers.

My newborn son, Andrew, has a heart murmur. I know that, generally, this shouldn't be a big deal. However, the doctor is concerned about the location of the murmur. A heart ultrasound is going to be performed. Overall, I think everything is going to be ok, but please keep up the prayers.

God bless you!!!

Posted by Tom at 11:22 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack